An Artist Trapped

A Facebook Note by Jay :)

This one was requested. Haha, yea right. ;) This is nothing deep just a little more about "THE JAY" :o)



An Artist Trapped



Many people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy writing poetry, painting, and listening AND playing music. Now, I've never considered myself an artist, as every Joe Shmoe can declare themselves as one. But as I look back on my past I quickly realized that's exactly what I am. It only makes sense. Any other interpretation just doesn't coincide.

Believe it or not, my first love was drawing. Yes, drawing. I distinctly remember being able to replicate a picture of school bus when I was in kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. As I moved on to a higher grade level, I remember getting extremely excited about Art class. I enjoyed every moment of it, from the water painting, to sculpting, to drawing, pastel, sketching....everything. I would draw on my free time whenever I had the opportunity.

This love followed me well into my middles school years. Ahhh, those were the days...drawing for people, sketching graffiti letters and the like. Truly, I enjoyed it. I also remember the day when I would daydream of having my own fashion line—at the time, I just could not find clothes that fit me properly. I would dream of different hairstyles, color schemes and everything! So you may be wondering, "Well, why didn't you take an art class or go to art school?" The answer is simple: I was always taught that an academic degree was my "way out", whether it was a nursing degree or business degree. And that's what I did. Now, has it paid off? Yes, in a sense, but I'm not happy. To this day I STILL daydream about different hairstyles, fashion ideas and the like. I still sketch and I still enjoy it.

My next love is music and poetry, but not in the way most people like it. I actually like to create it. Growing up I was always exposed to somebody in my family playing the piano or the guitar or something, and LAWD, not to mention singing. You know er'body and they mama think they Aritha Franklin, lol! For as long as I could remember I was on some choir or playing some instrument point of my life. I started "singing" in a choirs when I was like, what? 5 yrs old maybe?? I started playing the clarinet in the 7th grade and continued that until 12th grade.

I was also always writing something of some sort. I started journaling when I was in the 4th grade and I still do it now. I mean, I don't do it as frequently, but I do it nonetheless. Some of my journal entries became poetry entries. My first "official" poem (that I could remember) was named "Who Am I" written in the 8th grade. Throughout the years I took chances to "update" it. Man, I wish I could find the different pieces; it would be great to see how much I have grown as an individual.

I digress. Ironically, I never really was consistent with any of things as far as professional training was concerned. So I never really got to explore these things in depth. Now, I'm 23 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology working as a supervisor at a retail store. With a combination of my college experience, work experience, and life experience, every part of my interest in music, art, and poetry has been sucked out. What's my point? .......I miss it, I need it. Real life hit me and I'm no longer able to dig for the artist in me. I'm not free to express myself the way I would like. Society told me to dress and act a certain way. So I did. Society told me to get an academic degree. So I did. Society told me to get a whack job AKA chase after money. So I did. Little did I know that society's agenda for me wasn't my agenda for me. I used to wonder "Who Am I". So who am I? I am an artist trapped. I want to be free...Society, please, LET ME DO MY DO!



Jay <3