Not my Momma's Religion. Or is it?

Currently Listening to: Jennifer Howland's "Righteous Revolution" A song about new life in Christ.

Not my momma's religion. Or is it?

Lately, I've been really questioning my salvation. Truly at this point it is suspect and could be categorized as borderline backsliding.. ::Question Mark Look:: Yea, I know. People who know me in real life may see me as the "All Mighty Holy One". Nothing could be further from the truth. Just because I know and quote scripture doesn't mean that I am exempt from moral deprivation. Like most people, stray and do wrong.

My Back Story

Like many children in the U.S. I was born into Christianity. I knew that Sunday was the day for church, and it was important for me to pray and read my bible. I knew if I had sex before I was married I was a social outlier and God help me if I got pregnant out of wedlock. I knew it wasn't ok to lie, cheat, or steal. Wearing tight fitted clothes was next to blasphemy. Using derogatory language on church grounds warranted a Scarlet Letter. And let's not forget the issue of secular music. If it ain't say, "Jesus", "Son of God" or "Hallelujah", you could pretty much forget about it.

I must admit though, I was trained well. When I went off to college I didn't take advantage my freedom and turn into a wild child. For all 3 1/2 years, I was pretty much straight necked. My behavior after graduation however, when everything in my life went wrong, could totally be called to questioning.

Current:

My behavior can still be called to questioning. I keep wondering why I fell so hard and never got back up. As I listened to the words of the song, "Righteous Revolution" a paradigm began to draw in my thoughts: Before you find Christ: You were morally lost and thus broke all the rules. After you found Christ: You're holy, set a part and no longer participate in the immoral behaviors of the rest of the world. Although for all my life I considered myself "morally found", I can't say that my life mirrored the aforementioned paradigm. Simple. There was no particular line of demarcation that indicated the exact moment I found Christ. Why? Because I was raised in the Christian culture, it's all I knew. It wasn't like I was some outsider, that didn't know better. No, I was an inny, and I was in deep. It was in fact, my Momma's Religion.

Really, I thought I had this whole Christian thing figured out. I mean, it was my Momma's religion which I did make my own. I knew the Word, I could quote it and defend it. I understood that we are saved my Grace alone and not by any good deeds. I've been there. I felt the presence of the Lord. God has spoken to me and through me. I've danced like David, naked. I've understood that God placed me here for..Such a time as this..... Then why can't I get back up? Perhaps my life is a reflection of the great King Solomon, harvesting all the wisdom but still broken. Or maybe Moses, stubborn, and not eloquent in speech reluctant to be the light for the lost ones. Maybe I'm still stuck under the umbrella of Momma's Religion.

Easter is coming up. To be honest with you, I'm I don't want to go to church. For some reason, at this point, I feel inadequate and fake. I am a poor representation of Christ. Going to church will just make those feelings even more apparent. Perhaps I should go and re-read those bible stories I was once familiar with, take a page from each character's life story and be encouraged. Lord knows I'm tired of this cycle. I just wanna be ok. But I have full confidence that My God can cure the AIDS of the spirit and any ailment of the spirit. C'mon Jesus, I need your antibiotics! I need that Righteous Revolution! Speaking Redemption over my life. #Redeemed

~Jay


For your enjoyment, Lyrics below




All songs published by Lion of Zion Music (BMI) unless otherwise noted.

"RIGHTEOUS REVOLUTION (Feat. Monty G and Solomon Jabby)" Lyrics:

Written by Mark Mohr, Solomon Jabby, Jennifer Howland and Monty G. Music by Solomon Jabby and Mark Mohr

What the youth wants is a righteous revolution, ey yeah
What the youth wants is a righteous solution

Righteous revolution, righteous revolution

Listen sister say you must understand
You don’t know me so you can't comprehend
That what I am it is not who I used to be, ooh yeah!
And listen Mister say you don't understand
That this is not a game and me nah play pretend
And what I am it is not who I used to be, yeah!

CHORUS:
Righteous revolution
Let me hear my brothers and my sisters say
Righteous revolution

Let me introduce myself
So the world knows
I'm not playing games with my soul
Introduce myself
I ain't swaying back and forth
I ain't gonna compromise no more

What the youth wants is a righteous revolution, ey yeah
What the youth want is a righteous solution

See it ya? Me nah there asleep no longer
True we go serve the Father
From me realize say
Christ Him ah the Living Water
True we bigger and we broader
Righteousness ah di order
Revolution de pon we border-Boom!

From we turn from sin and we nah go back
True we did dangerous like a heart attack
True Christ Him change we and we proud of that
Forward we a trod and we nah dress back

(CHORUS)
Let me introduce myself
So the world knows
I'm not playing games with my soul
Introduce myself
I ain't swaying back and forth
I ain't gonna compromise no more
Introduce Myself
Hey, and now you know just where I’m coming from
Introduce Myself
I've been changed and now I am a new creation

We want the whole world to see it ya
True me is a new creature
We did wrap up in a sin like
Meat up in a pita
Salvation could not sweeter
Now we a read Peter
And we start fi preach so a now them call me preacher
You can hear the Word of God
We make it flow right through the speaker
The humble to the meek ya
Stronger to the weak ya
We come fi make them know say
I you want love come see it ya
Live for Jesus and stop die up in a the streets ya

(CHORUS)

I'm not playing, I've been changed
Ever since I called on Jesus name
Like a butterfly wrapped up inside
I spread my wings now I can fly!
And we make the whole world see it there
Fly!
What the youth wants is a righteous revolution
Bang ditty deng bong bitty deng
What the youth wants is a righteous solution

Source for Lyrics: http://www.jenniferhowland.com/christafari/lyrics.html