Please ignore all typos; done from my iPod touch. Just got it today.
So I'm here in my bed thinking about how much I'm failing at this thing called "The Walk" . Man this walk with Christ sure is difficult. I mean life in general is redonculous. I'm learning everyday that this walk is much more than I thought it was when I signed on the dotted line. Everytime I thinkI get "it" I really don't. Maybe God is teaching me that it's not for me to get. Perhaps I'm expecting too much in too little time. I feel like I'm working on a ridiclous math problem, you know, one of those problems you THOUGHT you solved but when you look closer, you realy didn't solve to begin with. Well then I guess this is what is, I don't get it and I won't get it. So much for trying too hard. Nobody told me I had to be this strong. I'm not Job. I don't want to be Job either. I'm totally just rambeling. This is what tired does to you. I guess I'll name this post, "Mid-Night Ramblings".
Night peeps!
~jay
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm Naked and Loving it! A Facebook Note
You probably clicked on my note to see some sick obscenity of a piece. Ya’ll know that’s NOT what I’s be’s bout! Lol. This is all about my hair, yes my relaxer-free hair, my naked hair.
Soo this natural hair thing better be that serious. I’ve been “natural” aka relaxer free on and off for the past 4 years maybe?? Or may be more. But whatever that’s not the point of this note.
I must admit, I’m a youtube junkie. On youtube there are tons, I mean TONS of African American women (and other races) who have let go the relaxer and decided to go out butt naked. hehe. So recently I was going through some Facebook pictures and I started to notice a lot of my friends “going natural”. Now, it started to hit home: a lot of women are opting out of the “creamy crack”. Man, I don’t know if it was that “Good Hair” movie, my Chris Rock, or Solange Knowles’s drastic hair cut, but whatever it is, it better be THAT serious, for er’body to be starting to do it, LAWD! lol.
This brings my to why I decided to “let go” of the perm. First off I’ve ALWAYS loved BIG hair. Ya’ll remember my Oprah hair, lol? I loved it! As a littler girl, I remember running around the house screaming, “Mommy, do you like my Afro?!?!”. Now, let’s fast-forward to middle school. I must admit, I was utterly obsessed with Lauren Hill and her whole vibe—emphasis on the natural hair. Yes, people you can thank Lauren Hill for my initial drive to go “naked”, lol. Now, let’s hop n skip to high school. At my high school, if you were “different”, consider yourself ostracized, like you had leprosy or something. So yea, cutting off all my hair and going with the “asa lama lakum” look wasn’t definitely detrimental my rep (as if I had any, lol!) Skip over to college….College…COLLEGE! Whoo! Talk about my gateway to freedom! I had a few conversations with my girl Nicole and #POW summer 06’ it was all gone…Let the ostracizing begin! I thought it was cool, apparently friends and family didn’t think the same. It was rough, I mean rough. It’s hard when people think you’re Brittany Spears kind of crazy because you cut off all your locs. To me, it was JUST HAIR..it grows back.
And grow back it did. I loved every moment, every stare, every comment, everything! I felt empowered, I felt like a new person; I was able to express myself the way I truly wanted to. :: Sigh :: those were the days! I stayed relaxer-free for approximately 21 months. Unfortunately, I fell prey to the “creamy crack” and relaxed my hair. It had to be the stupidest decision I had ever mad in my life. The only reason why I relaxed my hair was becasue I didn’t want to look a hot ghetto mess for my Birthday and I was too cheap to pay someone to style it for me. So yea, I did what I knew best, I permed it.
I only stayed permed up for about a year, maybe longer. And then here came the weed-whacker again, lol. May 2009 I cut it all off again because I missed my fro and I desperately needed a confidence boost at the time. Now, I’m 16 months in, I think, lol and I don’t plan on turning back. At least not for now. : ) To be honest with you, I love my hair in both states, I think I like the perm-free better though. It is in that state where I am most confident, where I am the best me I can be. I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve heard people say, “This natural hair thing is fad..” Well, it’s not a fad for everybody, especially not for me. It’s been a deep desire of mine for a while and for me to buzz cut twice just reassures me that I love the natural me. Dude, like, I’m naked, and loving it! : )
~Jay
Soo this natural hair thing better be that serious. I’ve been “natural” aka relaxer free on and off for the past 4 years maybe?? Or may be more. But whatever that’s not the point of this note.
I must admit, I’m a youtube junkie. On youtube there are tons, I mean TONS of African American women (and other races) who have let go the relaxer and decided to go out butt naked. hehe. So recently I was going through some Facebook pictures and I started to notice a lot of my friends “going natural”. Now, it started to hit home: a lot of women are opting out of the “creamy crack”. Man, I don’t know if it was that “Good Hair” movie, my Chris Rock, or Solange Knowles’s drastic hair cut, but whatever it is, it better be THAT serious, for er’body to be starting to do it, LAWD! lol.
This brings my to why I decided to “let go” of the perm. First off I’ve ALWAYS loved BIG hair. Ya’ll remember my Oprah hair, lol? I loved it! As a littler girl, I remember running around the house screaming, “Mommy, do you like my Afro?!?!”. Now, let’s fast-forward to middle school. I must admit, I was utterly obsessed with Lauren Hill and her whole vibe—emphasis on the natural hair. Yes, people you can thank Lauren Hill for my initial drive to go “naked”, lol. Now, let’s hop n skip to high school. At my high school, if you were “different”, consider yourself ostracized, like you had leprosy or something. So yea, cutting off all my hair and going with the “asa lama lakum” look wasn’t definitely detrimental my rep (as if I had any, lol!) Skip over to college….College…COLLEGE! Whoo! Talk about my gateway to freedom! I had a few conversations with my girl Nicole and #POW summer 06’ it was all gone…Let the ostracizing begin! I thought it was cool, apparently friends and family didn’t think the same. It was rough, I mean rough. It’s hard when people think you’re Brittany Spears kind of crazy because you cut off all your locs. To me, it was JUST HAIR..it grows back.
And grow back it did. I loved every moment, every stare, every comment, everything! I felt empowered, I felt like a new person; I was able to express myself the way I truly wanted to. :: Sigh :: those were the days! I stayed relaxer-free for approximately 21 months. Unfortunately, I fell prey to the “creamy crack” and relaxed my hair. It had to be the stupidest decision I had ever mad in my life. The only reason why I relaxed my hair was becasue I didn’t want to look a hot ghetto mess for my Birthday and I was too cheap to pay someone to style it for me. So yea, I did what I knew best, I permed it.
I only stayed permed up for about a year, maybe longer. And then here came the weed-whacker again, lol. May 2009 I cut it all off again because I missed my fro and I desperately needed a confidence boost at the time. Now, I’m 16 months in, I think, lol and I don’t plan on turning back. At least not for now. : ) To be honest with you, I love my hair in both states, I think I like the perm-free better though. It is in that state where I am most confident, where I am the best me I can be. I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve heard people say, “This natural hair thing is fad..” Well, it’s not a fad for everybody, especially not for me. It’s been a deep desire of mine for a while and for me to buzz cut twice just reassures me that I love the natural me. Dude, like, I’m naked, and loving it! : )
~Jay
Saturday, September 4, 2010
An Artist Trapped
A Facebook Note by Jay :)
This one was requested. Haha, yea right. ;) This is nothing deep just a little more about "THE JAY" :o)
An Artist Trapped
Many people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy writing poetry, painting, and listening AND playing music. Now, I've never considered myself an artist, as every Joe Shmoe can declare themselves as one. But as I look back on my past I quickly realized that's exactly what I am. It only makes sense. Any other interpretation just doesn't coincide.
Believe it or not, my first love was drawing. Yes, drawing. I distinctly remember being able to replicate a picture of school bus when I was in kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. As I moved on to a higher grade level, I remember getting extremely excited about Art class. I enjoyed every moment of it, from the water painting, to sculpting, to drawing, pastel, sketching....everything. I would draw on my free time whenever I had the opportunity.
This love followed me well into my middles school years. Ahhh, those were the days...drawing for people, sketching graffiti letters and the like. Truly, I enjoyed it. I also remember the day when I would daydream of having my own fashion line—at the time, I just could not find clothes that fit me properly. I would dream of different hairstyles, color schemes and everything! So you may be wondering, "Well, why didn't you take an art class or go to art school?" The answer is simple: I was always taught that an academic degree was my "way out", whether it was a nursing degree or business degree. And that's what I did. Now, has it paid off? Yes, in a sense, but I'm not happy. To this day I STILL daydream about different hairstyles, fashion ideas and the like. I still sketch and I still enjoy it.
My next love is music and poetry, but not in the way most people like it. I actually like to create it. Growing up I was always exposed to somebody in my family playing the piano or the guitar or something, and LAWD, not to mention singing. You know er'body and they mama think they Aritha Franklin, lol! For as long as I could remember I was on some choir or playing some instrument point of my life. I started "singing" in a choirs when I was like, what? 5 yrs old maybe?? I started playing the clarinet in the 7th grade and continued that until 12th grade.
I was also always writing something of some sort. I started journaling when I was in the 4th grade and I still do it now. I mean, I don't do it as frequently, but I do it nonetheless. Some of my journal entries became poetry entries. My first "official" poem (that I could remember) was named "Who Am I" written in the 8th grade. Throughout the years I took chances to "update" it. Man, I wish I could find the different pieces; it would be great to see how much I have grown as an individual.
I digress. Ironically, I never really was consistent with any of things as far as professional training was concerned. So I never really got to explore these things in depth. Now, I'm 23 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology working as a supervisor at a retail store. With a combination of my college experience, work experience, and life experience, every part of my interest in music, art, and poetry has been sucked out. What's my point? .......I miss it, I need it. Real life hit me and I'm no longer able to dig for the artist in me. I'm not free to express myself the way I would like. Society told me to dress and act a certain way. So I did. Society told me to get an academic degree. So I did. Society told me to get a whack job AKA chase after money. So I did. Little did I know that society's agenda for me wasn't my agenda for me. I used to wonder "Who Am I". So who am I? I am an artist trapped. I want to be free...Society, please, LET ME DO MY DO!
Jay <3
This one was requested. Haha, yea right. ;) This is nothing deep just a little more about "THE JAY" :o)
An Artist Trapped
Many people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy writing poetry, painting, and listening AND playing music. Now, I've never considered myself an artist, as every Joe Shmoe can declare themselves as one. But as I look back on my past I quickly realized that's exactly what I am. It only makes sense. Any other interpretation just doesn't coincide.
Believe it or not, my first love was drawing. Yes, drawing. I distinctly remember being able to replicate a picture of school bus when I was in kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. As I moved on to a higher grade level, I remember getting extremely excited about Art class. I enjoyed every moment of it, from the water painting, to sculpting, to drawing, pastel, sketching....everything. I would draw on my free time whenever I had the opportunity.
This love followed me well into my middles school years. Ahhh, those were the days...drawing for people, sketching graffiti letters and the like. Truly, I enjoyed it. I also remember the day when I would daydream of having my own fashion line—at the time, I just could not find clothes that fit me properly. I would dream of different hairstyles, color schemes and everything! So you may be wondering, "Well, why didn't you take an art class or go to art school?" The answer is simple: I was always taught that an academic degree was my "way out", whether it was a nursing degree or business degree. And that's what I did. Now, has it paid off? Yes, in a sense, but I'm not happy. To this day I STILL daydream about different hairstyles, fashion ideas and the like. I still sketch and I still enjoy it.
My next love is music and poetry, but not in the way most people like it. I actually like to create it. Growing up I was always exposed to somebody in my family playing the piano or the guitar or something, and LAWD, not to mention singing. You know er'body and they mama think they Aritha Franklin, lol! For as long as I could remember I was on some choir or playing some instrument point of my life. I started "singing" in a choirs when I was like, what? 5 yrs old maybe?? I started playing the clarinet in the 7th grade and continued that until 12th grade.
I was also always writing something of some sort. I started journaling when I was in the 4th grade and I still do it now. I mean, I don't do it as frequently, but I do it nonetheless. Some of my journal entries became poetry entries. My first "official" poem (that I could remember) was named "Who Am I" written in the 8th grade. Throughout the years I took chances to "update" it. Man, I wish I could find the different pieces; it would be great to see how much I have grown as an individual.
I digress. Ironically, I never really was consistent with any of things as far as professional training was concerned. So I never really got to explore these things in depth. Now, I'm 23 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology working as a supervisor at a retail store. With a combination of my college experience, work experience, and life experience, every part of my interest in music, art, and poetry has been sucked out. What's my point? .......I miss it, I need it. Real life hit me and I'm no longer able to dig for the artist in me. I'm not free to express myself the way I would like. Society told me to dress and act a certain way. So I did. Society told me to get an academic degree. So I did. Society told me to get a whack job AKA chase after money. So I did. Little did I know that society's agenda for me wasn't my agenda for me. I used to wonder "Who Am I". So who am I? I am an artist trapped. I want to be free...Society, please, LET ME DO MY DO!
Jay <3
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