Out of Many One People

Today, I wanted to share some of my heritage with you guys. If you don't know the flag above is the flag of the beautiful island of Jamaica. If you haven't guessed it yet, I am of Jamaican decent. Yes, I am a proud Jamaican! My entire family is from there and I wouldn't have it any other way. :) So why share my heritage with you today? Well, today is Jamaica's Independence Day! That's right, on August 6th, 1962 Jamaican was finally freed from the grips of the British. :) Big up to di yardi dem! Here's a video that celebrates this lush and vibrant country.

<3>

Until next time, enjoy!



~Jay

Taking my blog to the world! Haha!

I'm really starting to enjoy this blogging thing! Wow! :) last night, or early this morning, I had been going through all my previous blog posts. My very first post was March 2009--that's a long time ago, at least for me. bolg

I think I'm ready to open my blog to the public, you know, allowing comments, dialague n such....am I ready? Let's see. It's about 10:40 a.m. as I'm writing. I woke up to some ruckus going on in my house. Man, am I tiiirreedd. I can't go back to sleep though, I have to start getting ready for work. Boooo! Anywho, I think I'm going to start making more purposeful and frequent blogs or at least I'm trying. It's almost becoming cathartic. If you've read my previous post about my "social death" or the death of my social life, you would understand. Or maybe not? Let me explain. The Internet is full of some crazies, let's admit that, BUT there are a few normal people out there, you know, like you and I. :) So since I can't meet people in person, why not use this innovative tool called the world wide web! :) With that said, I will be attempting to "revamp" my blog, by making it a little more personal and a little more revealing. I'm gong to try to put a real "About Me" section. The problem is that blogger.com doesn't really allow much flexibility or so I see. Maybe I should move to Typepad?? Or maybe building a real website? That would be an adventure, wouldn't it? LOL!

Well, I'm done with this almost pointless blog entry. Really, just trying to get into the habit of being consistent with this thing. :)

Until then, live your life, SELAH! :)

The End of College = The Death of my social life :(

Death of my social life? Ok, so here's my definition of "death of a social life": an abrupt interruption or complete ceasing of social interaction and or engaements.

College was THE BEST experience I have ever had in my ENTIRE life, hands down. It also happened to be the part of my life where I had the most AMAZING friends and experiences. Since moving back home I have yet to have an experience that could match up to the greatness of my college experiences.

Currently, I'm working at a retail store as a "Department Supervisor w/keys"--ain't nothin' serious, it pays the bills though! Now, I don't know if you've worked in retail or not but my experience so far has been HORRIBLE. Yes, completely detestable in every which way possible. Thank God for the experience though, because I do plan on using this job experience as a means to catapult me into my desired career. Haha, I digress, moving on. :) One of the main reason why I hate retail is that it requires that you work all the days the rest of the world is either vacationing or taking a day off from work; i.e. nights, weekends, and holidays--Lawd! Now this is a complete 180 degree difference from my college life a.k.a. my "previous life", lol. Going to school allowed the flexibility to go on vacations. You know, the summer breaks, spring breaks, holiday breaks etc. Not only that, because I was in such an environment where meeting somebody new was inevitable, I met like a gazillion people all the time and made life time connections. Working in this industry, I haven't even been able to maintain the connections I've made throughout my life much less make new ones. :( And this is why I call my after college life Social Death.

You know, I'm thankful for my job, but man is it mentally taxing! I can't even go to church. :( Sometimes I really wonder if I should stay at this job. I'm like, "God, is this really what you would have for my life? Really, what should I be learning on this journey that you've placed me on?" Don't get me wrong, I've been learning and trying my best to maintain what I've learned. I guess when I eventually learn these "lessons", I'll be able to move on with my life.

Until then, let the Social Death reign :(

~Jay
"No Titles, No Themes, Whatever comes...."

One story at a time. The life.

I wrote this on Feb. 16, 2010 @ 8:04 a.m., posted it, then took it down out of shame and embarrassment. I'm not sure if I should post this, but I will post it anyway. Before you read know that I am just like any other human being. I'm no superhuman nor am I some sort of "holier than thou", because to be quite frank I am faaaaar from it. Jesus Redeems. Amen!

:o)

Good morning, good evening, good night. Today is February 16, 2010. Hopefully I'll be able to publish this today. I woke up and I felt like blogging about my life. I really have no set topic to write about, I'm just gonna go with the flow.

I was scheduled to graduate December 2008. I managed to get my degree in 3 1/2 years. I thought "Wow, what an accomplishment". Little did I know what the coming months would bring.On September 18, 2008 I lost a family friend of mine in a car accident. Her name was Kimone Anderson, a budding gospel singer. She had a beautiful heart. Unfortunately, I never really took the time out to enjoy her the way sisters in Christ should enjoy each other. Prior to her passing, we had a conversation. It was a conversation that i thought was the beginning of a great relationship. We talked mostly about school, future plans, and pressure from friends and family to be successful. Like myself, she too was scheduled to graduate December 2008. We had exchanged numbers that day (I never had her phone number). We said would would "talk" later--we never got to talk.

I remember that last semester like it was yesterday. I was working, volunteering, taking my last 3 classes and trying to cope with her death all in one breath. It was difficult. There were weeks where I didn't go to class or volunteering at all. I cried myself to sleep most nights. Not because I lost a friendship, but because I realized how fragile life was. I realized that nobody was exempt from that appointment with death. Death scared me. I never talked about it, I never dealt with it head on, I avoided it. It was a reality check.

Unfortunately, I didn't cope well. I screwed up my grades, which later cost me to not graduated with honors (by .01 pts) I began to get a bit boy crazy. I stopped going to church, all in the name of "work & $$"--which looking back was not worth it at all. As a result my faith in Jesus was low. I didn't pray, I didn't go to church. I had a bunch of jumbled and confused feelings inside me.--I should have prayed, I should have talked.

By Jan 09' the realities hit me. I had no real job, no $$, and no plans. Unfortunately, i forfeited graduate school. I was not only scared I wasn't going to get in, but I admit I was too lazy to do the work it entailed.--I should have worked. I should have not doubted God.

I was delusional. I claimed that I was "studying" for the GRE--Grad school version of the SAT. That same month, I met a guy named..well, let me not put him out there. We met at a social gathering that I should not have gone to in the first place.--I should have listened to God speaking. I should have acknowledged Him tugging on my heartstrings--i didn't.

At the time "HE" began to become my everything. Not because I loved him. Not because I wanted a boyfriend. It was because I was searching for a way to cope. It sounds silly, but it is not uncommon, unfortunately. If ONLY i had only clung to God. IF ONLY. "HE" and I ended up doing some things we should not have doing. It threw me into a whole other whirlwind of guilt and shame. Not only did I not have plans for my future, but I had sinned against my body, something I gave to God. I was redeemed. All redemption was lost within a few months.(in my eyes of course, but praise God for the redemptive blood of Jesus!)

I was living in "sin" for approximately 3 1/2 months. Each time I was done with the deed i cried my eyes and heart out. It didn't feel good. I wasn't happy. I soon was beginning to realize that I needed to start praying. I had gone so deep in my carnal pleasures that even when I would pray and repent, I STILL went back to my vomit, like a dog. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't.

To combat, I did the unthinkable: I told my mother. Immediately she snatched me away from Gainesville, FL. I told her that Thursday, I was home by that Saturday. I guess it was for the better. It definitely stopped me from sinning against my body and God.

I thought everything would be alright. I was home now. Safe. I was wrong. I was so hung on to this man, that he still had control over me even 6 hours away from me. To retaliate, I almost immediately got involved with another guy--dumb move. The guy was hardly worth my time.

Finally, I had enough. Enough of the guilt and shame. I dropped them all. I was on my way. I was praying, in spite of the fact I was home and miserable--forgot to add that part. I was reading my bible. I was getting involved with fellow Christians.

Since then, it has been a roller coaster. Now that my carnal pleasures no longer had control over me, the devil came with something else: Frustration. Frustration with not being able to find a job. Frustration with my parents who were pressuring me to find a job in this slumped economy. I eventually found a job--a Mickey mouse job, but a job nonetheless. It could hardly suffice, but God is good.

Today, I'm still struggling on this path. I have a plan now, but I still have no real money to carry it out, but I have given up. I have given God the car keys. When Jesus was on His 40 day fast, satan temped him saying "If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread". Jesus answered him saying "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". Today I have faith. I cling to the word of God because that is the only thing that will last forever. I faith, not that God will give me what I ask for, but that God will provide what I need. Anything that He has given me is enough. I can not question the Most High. He knows best. His word says "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character and character, hope. hope does not disappoint us...." So today I have a new hope.

What is the point of outpouring today: To inspire and to bless someone with my story. In life there will be growing pains. Just like gold, we must go through fire to become refined. The word of God says...."I forget the things of the pass and looked to the things which are before me..I press toward the mark of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus" Forget your past, and press for Jesus. In everything you do, work on, or go through, know that it is only to further advance the kingdom of God and to give the Most High GLORY. Don't yield to carnal thinking. Close your carnal eyes and open the eyes of your heart. Things will make much more sense. Believe it or not God has blessed you beyond measure! He has blessed you with His son (a second chance), His grace, mercy and love. To live this life, it will suffice. Spiritual triumphs and blessings are the best and the most important. Don't let the things of this world be a distraction. Press forth toward Jesus. Don't doubt Him.

Peace and Love
Jay

**Love God, Love People**

I got a Man yall!! --A Facebook Note by Jay :)

SIKE! Nosies! ;)

So the spirit of writing and transparency decided to take me tonight. Weird. Especially for Facebook. This will be quick! I promise!

So let's get to the point of this note. So lately, I have been talking to one of my friends quite often. Of course like every girl talk, it always relationships. Since, my interest has been "rekindled"--well, not really. I've just been thinking about marriage more because of the convos I’ve been having and all this cliché talk of relationships. Of course this would happen well after I’ve come to the point where the thought never crosses my mind--maybe it's because I'm being distracted by other things or maybe Jesus has really has changed my thinking. (Can I get a AMEN! FREEDOM!)

Truly, I don't want to concentrate too much on relationships, dating, and marriage; they're too much of a headache. I mean, it's just something I don't even want to deal with right now.

Ok, so apart from the fact that I vehemently disdain the thought of a relationship right now--yea, it’s that serious--there are other reasons why I'm just not interested.

#1 I'm not the best me I can be. I have YET to solidify the relationship I have with Christ. The simple answer: I'm not whole, I'm not completely ONE with Christ.

The best me is the “me” who’s married to Christ; who has a solid spiritual foundation. I’m workin’ to be the Proverbs 31, married or NOT!

#2 --> 1 Cor. 7:32-35 (Msg) excerpt "...When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention..."

Did you read that the FIRST time...ok just in case you didn't....go read it AGAIN.....

Ok, now that you have re-read it, there's my scriptural defense. lol.

The Word does not lie. It's true, when you're married your attention is divided. Furthermore, your kingdom business has extended (more work). More work? Yes, more work. You have to WORK to SERVE your husband or wife. It really isn’t all peaches n crème. I’m glad I recognize that fact. Oh and let me not forget about the beginning of the excerpt:

“When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master”

Man, pleasing Abba is my ultimate desire and if pleasing Him requires that I completely abandon my desire to be married with children, then so let it be!-- Freedom is A-MAZIN’!

Now, by no means am I saying that I am against marriage. God BLESS all of you who are happily married or about to be married. May you be that powerhouse couple that God has called you both to be! I'm just saying that kind of responsibility is not for me right now. I’m ‘bout dat otha kingdom business. :)

For the first time I can say that I am truly enjoying my singleness.


Selah!
**Let those with eyes see and with ears hear**

Is it just me....friends: what do you think?

Lately, I've been really thinking. Thinking about how much people really annoy me. Granted, I annoy people on a daily basis I'm sure, but you know how that goes; you really don't care about your actions, but rather others' actions. Hypocrisy at it's most overt and covert moment simultaneously existing.

Whatever, here's my vent/rant time!

I have lots of "friends", "associates", whatever: people I know and people who know me. To be quite frank, sometimes I can delete some of them out my life and start all over again. Why? Because they say some pretty questionable below-the-belt sort of things. For example, I was talking to one of my "friends" recently. We've been friends since our freshman year in college (2005)--we've known each other for a little while now. You know what this good-for-nothing guy said to me as I was talking about my life issues??--He had the NERVE to say, "Yea, yea Jay, like your problems are worse than everyone elses." When I heard that I was like, "I know this insensitive....I know this boy ain't just try me like that!!"

Later on this week I saw a facebook status from another friend. She said something along the lines of, "not everyone who is WITH you is FOR you" and it got me thinkin'....granted, this has always been my motto for friends and life but it still made me question some of my friendships and how ** I ** feel about them. Am I being real when something good happens to them? Am I bad mouthing them right after I talk to them? Do I really care about this person? Then I thought, what about others? Then I looked at it from another perspective: Are my friend really happy for me when something good happens to me? Are they bad mouthing me when we finish talking? Do they care about me?? Hmmm....

I have another friend she can be very...stuck up...wait a better colloquial term, "acting brand new", lol. In this "stuck upness", lol, she has a tendency to act like she has money, when she really doesn't. Truly if she did, she wouldn't have to take out student loans. If she did, she'd be driving a fully functional car (which she's not)...But I digress.. Back to the story: Before, I didn't notice it until she herself pointed it out, lol. Ironic, right? After a while it started to annoy me and me a my rude self never passes up an opportunity to pass a slick remark her way, lol. Anyway, I was talking to her today; she was talking about having a pricey dinner party, that in my opinion she can't afford, but who am I to metal in someones financial business?? lol. I'm Jay, and imma metal in it anyway :)So anyway I said something slick, something like, "I hope you big ballin'" (Translation: I hope you have the money) and she said something along the lines of "your just jealous because...." her tone was a bit facetious, but her message intended sure got across...surely ya' girl wasn't gonna let that pass and I responded "I'm sorry I don't spend money I don't have like you do ;)" Yes, not exactly the most Christ-like thing to say, but sometimes I just can't help it. The point: It's annoying, and I am I truly her friend? I mean, I'm not jealous--actually I'm nowhere near jealous, I'm more intelligent and more witty--money doesn't define my identity. period. I mean love her to death, if anything were to happen to her there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be balling my poor eyes out. But sometimes I just wonder.

Maybe it's just me. I guess I'm just thinking about all this stuff because I have waay too much time on my hands or not enough time on my hands to form new friendships to distract me from thinking about it.

Well, there's my rant. Uncensored.

~Jay