Please ignore all typos; done from my iPod touch. Just got it today.
So I'm here in my bed thinking about how much I'm failing at this thing called "The Walk" . Man this walk with Christ sure is difficult. I mean life in general is redonculous. I'm learning everyday that this walk is much more than I thought it was when I signed on the dotted line. Everytime I thinkI get "it" I really don't. Maybe God is teaching me that it's not for me to get. Perhaps I'm expecting too much in too little time. I feel like I'm working on a ridiclous math problem, you know, one of those problems you THOUGHT you solved but when you look closer, you realy didn't solve to begin with. Well then I guess this is what is, I don't get it and I won't get it. So much for trying too hard. Nobody told me I had to be this strong. I'm not Job. I don't want to be Job either. I'm totally just rambeling. This is what tired does to you. I guess I'll name this post, "Mid-Night Ramblings".
Night peeps!
~jay
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm Naked and Loving it! A Facebook Note
You probably clicked on my note to see some sick obscenity of a piece. Ya’ll know that’s NOT what I’s be’s bout! Lol. This is all about my hair, yes my relaxer-free hair, my naked hair.
Soo this natural hair thing better be that serious. I’ve been “natural” aka relaxer free on and off for the past 4 years maybe?? Or may be more. But whatever that’s not the point of this note.
I must admit, I’m a youtube junkie. On youtube there are tons, I mean TONS of African American women (and other races) who have let go the relaxer and decided to go out butt naked. hehe. So recently I was going through some Facebook pictures and I started to notice a lot of my friends “going natural”. Now, it started to hit home: a lot of women are opting out of the “creamy crack”. Man, I don’t know if it was that “Good Hair” movie, my Chris Rock, or Solange Knowles’s drastic hair cut, but whatever it is, it better be THAT serious, for er’body to be starting to do it, LAWD! lol.
This brings my to why I decided to “let go” of the perm. First off I’ve ALWAYS loved BIG hair. Ya’ll remember my Oprah hair, lol? I loved it! As a littler girl, I remember running around the house screaming, “Mommy, do you like my Afro?!?!”. Now, let’s fast-forward to middle school. I must admit, I was utterly obsessed with Lauren Hill and her whole vibe—emphasis on the natural hair. Yes, people you can thank Lauren Hill for my initial drive to go “naked”, lol. Now, let’s hop n skip to high school. At my high school, if you were “different”, consider yourself ostracized, like you had leprosy or something. So yea, cutting off all my hair and going with the “asa lama lakum” look wasn’t definitely detrimental my rep (as if I had any, lol!) Skip over to college….College…COLLEGE! Whoo! Talk about my gateway to freedom! I had a few conversations with my girl Nicole and #POW summer 06’ it was all gone…Let the ostracizing begin! I thought it was cool, apparently friends and family didn’t think the same. It was rough, I mean rough. It’s hard when people think you’re Brittany Spears kind of crazy because you cut off all your locs. To me, it was JUST HAIR..it grows back.
And grow back it did. I loved every moment, every stare, every comment, everything! I felt empowered, I felt like a new person; I was able to express myself the way I truly wanted to. :: Sigh :: those were the days! I stayed relaxer-free for approximately 21 months. Unfortunately, I fell prey to the “creamy crack” and relaxed my hair. It had to be the stupidest decision I had ever mad in my life. The only reason why I relaxed my hair was becasue I didn’t want to look a hot ghetto mess for my Birthday and I was too cheap to pay someone to style it for me. So yea, I did what I knew best, I permed it.
I only stayed permed up for about a year, maybe longer. And then here came the weed-whacker again, lol. May 2009 I cut it all off again because I missed my fro and I desperately needed a confidence boost at the time. Now, I’m 16 months in, I think, lol and I don’t plan on turning back. At least not for now. : ) To be honest with you, I love my hair in both states, I think I like the perm-free better though. It is in that state where I am most confident, where I am the best me I can be. I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve heard people say, “This natural hair thing is fad..” Well, it’s not a fad for everybody, especially not for me. It’s been a deep desire of mine for a while and for me to buzz cut twice just reassures me that I love the natural me. Dude, like, I’m naked, and loving it! : )
~Jay
Soo this natural hair thing better be that serious. I’ve been “natural” aka relaxer free on and off for the past 4 years maybe?? Or may be more. But whatever that’s not the point of this note.
I must admit, I’m a youtube junkie. On youtube there are tons, I mean TONS of African American women (and other races) who have let go the relaxer and decided to go out butt naked. hehe. So recently I was going through some Facebook pictures and I started to notice a lot of my friends “going natural”. Now, it started to hit home: a lot of women are opting out of the “creamy crack”. Man, I don’t know if it was that “Good Hair” movie, my Chris Rock, or Solange Knowles’s drastic hair cut, but whatever it is, it better be THAT serious, for er’body to be starting to do it, LAWD! lol.
This brings my to why I decided to “let go” of the perm. First off I’ve ALWAYS loved BIG hair. Ya’ll remember my Oprah hair, lol? I loved it! As a littler girl, I remember running around the house screaming, “Mommy, do you like my Afro?!?!”. Now, let’s fast-forward to middle school. I must admit, I was utterly obsessed with Lauren Hill and her whole vibe—emphasis on the natural hair. Yes, people you can thank Lauren Hill for my initial drive to go “naked”, lol. Now, let’s hop n skip to high school. At my high school, if you were “different”, consider yourself ostracized, like you had leprosy or something. So yea, cutting off all my hair and going with the “asa lama lakum” look wasn’t definitely detrimental my rep (as if I had any, lol!) Skip over to college….College…COLLEGE! Whoo! Talk about my gateway to freedom! I had a few conversations with my girl Nicole and #POW summer 06’ it was all gone…Let the ostracizing begin! I thought it was cool, apparently friends and family didn’t think the same. It was rough, I mean rough. It’s hard when people think you’re Brittany Spears kind of crazy because you cut off all your locs. To me, it was JUST HAIR..it grows back.
And grow back it did. I loved every moment, every stare, every comment, everything! I felt empowered, I felt like a new person; I was able to express myself the way I truly wanted to. :: Sigh :: those were the days! I stayed relaxer-free for approximately 21 months. Unfortunately, I fell prey to the “creamy crack” and relaxed my hair. It had to be the stupidest decision I had ever mad in my life. The only reason why I relaxed my hair was becasue I didn’t want to look a hot ghetto mess for my Birthday and I was too cheap to pay someone to style it for me. So yea, I did what I knew best, I permed it.
I only stayed permed up for about a year, maybe longer. And then here came the weed-whacker again, lol. May 2009 I cut it all off again because I missed my fro and I desperately needed a confidence boost at the time. Now, I’m 16 months in, I think, lol and I don’t plan on turning back. At least not for now. : ) To be honest with you, I love my hair in both states, I think I like the perm-free better though. It is in that state where I am most confident, where I am the best me I can be. I love it and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve heard people say, “This natural hair thing is fad..” Well, it’s not a fad for everybody, especially not for me. It’s been a deep desire of mine for a while and for me to buzz cut twice just reassures me that I love the natural me. Dude, like, I’m naked, and loving it! : )
~Jay
Saturday, September 4, 2010
An Artist Trapped
A Facebook Note by Jay :)
This one was requested. Haha, yea right. ;) This is nothing deep just a little more about "THE JAY" :o)
An Artist Trapped
Many people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy writing poetry, painting, and listening AND playing music. Now, I've never considered myself an artist, as every Joe Shmoe can declare themselves as one. But as I look back on my past I quickly realized that's exactly what I am. It only makes sense. Any other interpretation just doesn't coincide.
Believe it or not, my first love was drawing. Yes, drawing. I distinctly remember being able to replicate a picture of school bus when I was in kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. As I moved on to a higher grade level, I remember getting extremely excited about Art class. I enjoyed every moment of it, from the water painting, to sculpting, to drawing, pastel, sketching....everything. I would draw on my free time whenever I had the opportunity.
This love followed me well into my middles school years. Ahhh, those were the days...drawing for people, sketching graffiti letters and the like. Truly, I enjoyed it. I also remember the day when I would daydream of having my own fashion line—at the time, I just could not find clothes that fit me properly. I would dream of different hairstyles, color schemes and everything! So you may be wondering, "Well, why didn't you take an art class or go to art school?" The answer is simple: I was always taught that an academic degree was my "way out", whether it was a nursing degree or business degree. And that's what I did. Now, has it paid off? Yes, in a sense, but I'm not happy. To this day I STILL daydream about different hairstyles, fashion ideas and the like. I still sketch and I still enjoy it.
My next love is music and poetry, but not in the way most people like it. I actually like to create it. Growing up I was always exposed to somebody in my family playing the piano or the guitar or something, and LAWD, not to mention singing. You know er'body and they mama think they Aritha Franklin, lol! For as long as I could remember I was on some choir or playing some instrument point of my life. I started "singing" in a choirs when I was like, what? 5 yrs old maybe?? I started playing the clarinet in the 7th grade and continued that until 12th grade.
I was also always writing something of some sort. I started journaling when I was in the 4th grade and I still do it now. I mean, I don't do it as frequently, but I do it nonetheless. Some of my journal entries became poetry entries. My first "official" poem (that I could remember) was named "Who Am I" written in the 8th grade. Throughout the years I took chances to "update" it. Man, I wish I could find the different pieces; it would be great to see how much I have grown as an individual.
I digress. Ironically, I never really was consistent with any of things as far as professional training was concerned. So I never really got to explore these things in depth. Now, I'm 23 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology working as a supervisor at a retail store. With a combination of my college experience, work experience, and life experience, every part of my interest in music, art, and poetry has been sucked out. What's my point? .......I miss it, I need it. Real life hit me and I'm no longer able to dig for the artist in me. I'm not free to express myself the way I would like. Society told me to dress and act a certain way. So I did. Society told me to get an academic degree. So I did. Society told me to get a whack job AKA chase after money. So I did. Little did I know that society's agenda for me wasn't my agenda for me. I used to wonder "Who Am I". So who am I? I am an artist trapped. I want to be free...Society, please, LET ME DO MY DO!
Jay <3
This one was requested. Haha, yea right. ;) This is nothing deep just a little more about "THE JAY" :o)
An Artist Trapped
Many people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy writing poetry, painting, and listening AND playing music. Now, I've never considered myself an artist, as every Joe Shmoe can declare themselves as one. But as I look back on my past I quickly realized that's exactly what I am. It only makes sense. Any other interpretation just doesn't coincide.
Believe it or not, my first love was drawing. Yes, drawing. I distinctly remember being able to replicate a picture of school bus when I was in kindergarten. Yes, kindergarten. As I moved on to a higher grade level, I remember getting extremely excited about Art class. I enjoyed every moment of it, from the water painting, to sculpting, to drawing, pastel, sketching....everything. I would draw on my free time whenever I had the opportunity.
This love followed me well into my middles school years. Ahhh, those were the days...drawing for people, sketching graffiti letters and the like. Truly, I enjoyed it. I also remember the day when I would daydream of having my own fashion line—at the time, I just could not find clothes that fit me properly. I would dream of different hairstyles, color schemes and everything! So you may be wondering, "Well, why didn't you take an art class or go to art school?" The answer is simple: I was always taught that an academic degree was my "way out", whether it was a nursing degree or business degree. And that's what I did. Now, has it paid off? Yes, in a sense, but I'm not happy. To this day I STILL daydream about different hairstyles, fashion ideas and the like. I still sketch and I still enjoy it.
My next love is music and poetry, but not in the way most people like it. I actually like to create it. Growing up I was always exposed to somebody in my family playing the piano or the guitar or something, and LAWD, not to mention singing. You know er'body and they mama think they Aritha Franklin, lol! For as long as I could remember I was on some choir or playing some instrument point of my life. I started "singing" in a choirs when I was like, what? 5 yrs old maybe?? I started playing the clarinet in the 7th grade and continued that until 12th grade.
I was also always writing something of some sort. I started journaling when I was in the 4th grade and I still do it now. I mean, I don't do it as frequently, but I do it nonetheless. Some of my journal entries became poetry entries. My first "official" poem (that I could remember) was named "Who Am I" written in the 8th grade. Throughout the years I took chances to "update" it. Man, I wish I could find the different pieces; it would be great to see how much I have grown as an individual.
I digress. Ironically, I never really was consistent with any of things as far as professional training was concerned. So I never really got to explore these things in depth. Now, I'm 23 with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology working as a supervisor at a retail store. With a combination of my college experience, work experience, and life experience, every part of my interest in music, art, and poetry has been sucked out. What's my point? .......I miss it, I need it. Real life hit me and I'm no longer able to dig for the artist in me. I'm not free to express myself the way I would like. Society told me to dress and act a certain way. So I did. Society told me to get an academic degree. So I did. Society told me to get a whack job AKA chase after money. So I did. Little did I know that society's agenda for me wasn't my agenda for me. I used to wonder "Who Am I". So who am I? I am an artist trapped. I want to be free...Society, please, LET ME DO MY DO!
Jay <3
Friday, August 6, 2010
Out of Many One People
Today, I wanted to share some of my heritage with you guys. If you don't know the flag above is the flag of the beautiful island of Jamaica. If you haven't guessed it yet, I am of Jamaican decent. Yes, I am a proud Jamaican! My entire family is from there and I wouldn't have it any other way. :) So why share my heritage with you today? Well, today is Jamaica's Independence Day! That's right, on August 6th, 1962 Jamaican was finally freed from the grips of the British. :) Big up to di yardi dem! Here's a video that celebrates this lush and vibrant country.
<3>
Until next time, enjoy!
~Jay
Until next time, enjoy!
~Jay
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Taking my blog to the world! Haha!
I'm really starting to enjoy this blogging thing! Wow! :) last night, or early this morning, I had been going through all my previous blog posts. My very first post was March 2009--that's a long time ago, at least for me. bolg
I think I'm ready to open my blog to the public, you know, allowing comments, dialague n such....am I ready? Let's see. It's about 10:40 a.m. as I'm writing. I woke up to some ruckus going on in my house. Man, am I tiiirreedd. I can't go back to sleep though, I have to start getting ready for work. Boooo! Anywho, I think I'm going to start making more purposeful and frequent blogs or at least I'm trying. It's almost becoming cathartic. If you've read my previous post about my "social death" or the death of my social life, you would understand. Or maybe not? Let me explain. The Internet is full of some crazies, let's admit that, BUT there are a few normal people out there, you know, like you and I. :) So since I can't meet people in person, why not use this innovative tool called the world wide web! :) With that said, I will be attempting to "revamp" my blog, by making it a little more personal and a little more revealing. I'm gong to try to put a real "About Me" section. The problem is that blogger.com doesn't really allow much flexibility or so I see. Maybe I should move to Typepad?? Or maybe building a real website? That would be an adventure, wouldn't it? LOL!
Well, I'm done with this almost pointless blog entry. Really, just trying to get into the habit of being consistent with this thing. :)
Until then, live your life, SELAH! :)
I think I'm ready to open my blog to the public, you know, allowing comments, dialague n such....am I ready? Let's see. It's about 10:40 a.m. as I'm writing. I woke up to some ruckus going on in my house. Man, am I tiiirreedd. I can't go back to sleep though, I have to start getting ready for work. Boooo! Anywho, I think I'm going to start making more purposeful and frequent blogs or at least I'm trying. It's almost becoming cathartic. If you've read my previous post about my "social death" or the death of my social life, you would understand. Or maybe not? Let me explain. The Internet is full of some crazies, let's admit that, BUT there are a few normal people out there, you know, like you and I. :) So since I can't meet people in person, why not use this innovative tool called the world wide web! :) With that said, I will be attempting to "revamp" my blog, by making it a little more personal and a little more revealing. I'm gong to try to put a real "About Me" section. The problem is that blogger.com doesn't really allow much flexibility or so I see. Maybe I should move to Typepad?? Or maybe building a real website? That would be an adventure, wouldn't it? LOL!
Well, I'm done with this almost pointless blog entry. Really, just trying to get into the habit of being consistent with this thing. :)
Until then, live your life, SELAH! :)
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The End of College = The Death of my social life :(
Death of my social life? Ok, so here's my definition of "death of a social life": an abrupt interruption or complete ceasing of social interaction and or engaements.
College was THE BEST experience I have ever had in my ENTIRE life, hands down. It also happened to be the part of my life where I had the most AMAZING friends and experiences. Since moving back home I have yet to have an experience that could match up to the greatness of my college experiences.
Currently, I'm working at a retail store as a "Department Supervisor w/keys"--ain't nothin' serious, it pays the bills though! Now, I don't know if you've worked in retail or not but my experience so far has been HORRIBLE. Yes, completely detestable in every which way possible. Thank God for the experience though, because I do plan on using this job experience as a means to catapult me into my desired career. Haha, I digress, moving on. :) One of the main reason why I hate retail is that it requires that you work all the days the rest of the world is either vacationing or taking a day off from work; i.e. nights, weekends, and holidays--Lawd! Now this is a complete 180 degree difference from my college life a.k.a. my "previous life", lol. Going to school allowed the flexibility to go on vacations. You know, the summer breaks, spring breaks, holiday breaks etc. Not only that, because I was in such an environment where meeting somebody new was inevitable, I met like a gazillion people all the time and made life time connections. Working in this industry, I haven't even been able to maintain the connections I've made throughout my life much less make new ones. :( And this is why I call my after college life Social Death.
You know, I'm thankful for my job, but man is it mentally taxing! I can't even go to church. :( Sometimes I really wonder if I should stay at this job. I'm like, "God, is this really what you would have for my life? Really, what should I be learning on this journey that you've placed me on?" Don't get me wrong, I've been learning and trying my best to maintain what I've learned. I guess when I eventually learn these "lessons", I'll be able to move on with my life.
Until then, let the Social Death reign :(
~Jay
"No Titles, No Themes, Whatever comes...."
College was THE BEST experience I have ever had in my ENTIRE life, hands down. It also happened to be the part of my life where I had the most AMAZING friends and experiences. Since moving back home I have yet to have an experience that could match up to the greatness of my college experiences.
Currently, I'm working at a retail store as a "Department Supervisor w/keys"--ain't nothin' serious, it pays the bills though! Now, I don't know if you've worked in retail or not but my experience so far has been HORRIBLE. Yes, completely detestable in every which way possible. Thank God for the experience though, because I do plan on using this job experience as a means to catapult me into my desired career. Haha, I digress, moving on. :) One of the main reason why I hate retail is that it requires that you work all the days the rest of the world is either vacationing or taking a day off from work; i.e. nights, weekends, and holidays--Lawd! Now this is a complete 180 degree difference from my college life a.k.a. my "previous life", lol. Going to school allowed the flexibility to go on vacations. You know, the summer breaks, spring breaks, holiday breaks etc. Not only that, because I was in such an environment where meeting somebody new was inevitable, I met like a gazillion people all the time and made life time connections. Working in this industry, I haven't even been able to maintain the connections I've made throughout my life much less make new ones. :( And this is why I call my after college life Social Death.
You know, I'm thankful for my job, but man is it mentally taxing! I can't even go to church. :( Sometimes I really wonder if I should stay at this job. I'm like, "God, is this really what you would have for my life? Really, what should I be learning on this journey that you've placed me on?" Don't get me wrong, I've been learning and trying my best to maintain what I've learned. I guess when I eventually learn these "lessons", I'll be able to move on with my life.
Until then, let the Social Death reign :(
~Jay
"No Titles, No Themes, Whatever comes...."
One story at a time. The life.
I wrote this on Feb. 16, 2010 @ 8:04 a.m., posted it, then took it down out of shame and embarrassment. I'm not sure if I should post this, but I will post it anyway. Before you read know that I am just like any other human being. I'm no superhuman nor am I some sort of "holier than thou", because to be quite frank I am faaaaar from it. Jesus Redeems. Amen!
:o)
Good morning, good evening, good night. Today is February 16, 2010. Hopefully I'll be able to publish this today. I woke up and I felt like blogging about my life. I really have no set topic to write about, I'm just gonna go with the flow.
I was scheduled to graduate December 2008. I managed to get my degree in 3 1/2 years. I thought "Wow, what an accomplishment". Little did I know what the coming months would bring.On September 18, 2008 I lost a family friend of mine in a car accident. Her name was Kimone Anderson, a budding gospel singer. She had a beautiful heart. Unfortunately, I never really took the time out to enjoy her the way sisters in Christ should enjoy each other. Prior to her passing, we had a conversation. It was a conversation that i thought was the beginning of a great relationship. We talked mostly about school, future plans, and pressure from friends and family to be successful. Like myself, she too was scheduled to graduate December 2008. We had exchanged numbers that day (I never had her phone number). We said would would "talk" later--we never got to talk.
I remember that last semester like it was yesterday. I was working, volunteering, taking my last 3 classes and trying to cope with her death all in one breath. It was difficult. There were weeks where I didn't go to class or volunteering at all. I cried myself to sleep most nights. Not because I lost a friendship, but because I realized how fragile life was. I realized that nobody was exempt from that appointment with death. Death scared me. I never talked about it, I never dealt with it head on, I avoided it. It was a reality check.
Unfortunately, I didn't cope well. I screwed up my grades, which later cost me to not graduated with honors (by .01 pts) I began to get a bit boy crazy. I stopped going to church, all in the name of "work & $$"--which looking back was not worth it at all. As a result my faith in Jesus was low. I didn't pray, I didn't go to church. I had a bunch of jumbled and confused feelings inside me.--I should have prayed, I should have talked.
By Jan 09' the realities hit me. I had no real job, no $$, and no plans. Unfortunately, i forfeited graduate school. I was not only scared I wasn't going to get in, but I admit I was too lazy to do the work it entailed.--I should have worked. I should have not doubted God.
I was delusional. I claimed that I was "studying" for the GRE--Grad school version of the SAT. That same month, I met a guy named..well, let me not put him out there. We met at a social gathering that I should not have gone to in the first place.--I should have listened to God speaking. I should have acknowledged Him tugging on my heartstrings--i didn't.
At the time "HE" began to become my everything. Not because I loved him. Not because I wanted a boyfriend. It was because I was searching for a way to cope. It sounds silly, but it is not uncommon, unfortunately. If ONLY i had only clung to God. IF ONLY. "HE" and I ended up doing some things we should not have doing. It threw me into a whole other whirlwind of guilt and shame. Not only did I not have plans for my future, but I had sinned against my body, something I gave to God. I was redeemed. All redemption was lost within a few months.(in my eyes of course, but praise God for the redemptive blood of Jesus!)
I was living in "sin" for approximately 3 1/2 months. Each time I was done with the deed i cried my eyes and heart out. It didn't feel good. I wasn't happy. I soon was beginning to realize that I needed to start praying. I had gone so deep in my carnal pleasures that even when I would pray and repent, I STILL went back to my vomit, like a dog. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't.
To combat, I did the unthinkable: I told my mother. Immediately she snatched me away from Gainesville, FL. I told her that Thursday, I was home by that Saturday. I guess it was for the better. It definitely stopped me from sinning against my body and God.
I thought everything would be alright. I was home now. Safe. I was wrong. I was so hung on to this man, that he still had control over me even 6 hours away from me. To retaliate, I almost immediately got involved with another guy--dumb move. The guy was hardly worth my time.
Finally, I had enough. Enough of the guilt and shame. I dropped them all. I was on my way. I was praying, in spite of the fact I was home and miserable--forgot to add that part. I was reading my bible. I was getting involved with fellow Christians.
Since then, it has been a roller coaster. Now that my carnal pleasures no longer had control over me, the devil came with something else: Frustration. Frustration with not being able to find a job. Frustration with my parents who were pressuring me to find a job in this slumped economy. I eventually found a job--a Mickey mouse job, but a job nonetheless. It could hardly suffice, but God is good.
Today, I'm still struggling on this path. I have a plan now, but I still have no real money to carry it out, but I have given up. I have given God the car keys. When Jesus was on His 40 day fast, satan temped him saying "If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread". Jesus answered him saying "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". Today I have faith. I cling to the word of God because that is the only thing that will last forever. I faith, not that God will give me what I ask for, but that God will provide what I need. Anything that He has given me is enough. I can not question the Most High. He knows best. His word says "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character and character, hope. hope does not disappoint us...." So today I have a new hope.
What is the point of outpouring today: To inspire and to bless someone with my story. In life there will be growing pains. Just like gold, we must go through fire to become refined. The word of God says...."I forget the things of the pass and looked to the things which are before me..I press toward the mark of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus" Forget your past, and press for Jesus. In everything you do, work on, or go through, know that it is only to further advance the kingdom of God and to give the Most High GLORY. Don't yield to carnal thinking. Close your carnal eyes and open the eyes of your heart. Things will make much more sense. Believe it or not God has blessed you beyond measure! He has blessed you with His son (a second chance), His grace, mercy and love. To live this life, it will suffice. Spiritual triumphs and blessings are the best and the most important. Don't let the things of this world be a distraction. Press forth toward Jesus. Don't doubt Him.
Peace and Love
Jay
**Love God, Love People**
:o)
Good morning, good evening, good night. Today is February 16, 2010. Hopefully I'll be able to publish this today. I woke up and I felt like blogging about my life. I really have no set topic to write about, I'm just gonna go with the flow.
I was scheduled to graduate December 2008. I managed to get my degree in 3 1/2 years. I thought "Wow, what an accomplishment". Little did I know what the coming months would bring.On September 18, 2008 I lost a family friend of mine in a car accident. Her name was Kimone Anderson, a budding gospel singer. She had a beautiful heart. Unfortunately, I never really took the time out to enjoy her the way sisters in Christ should enjoy each other. Prior to her passing, we had a conversation. It was a conversation that i thought was the beginning of a great relationship. We talked mostly about school, future plans, and pressure from friends and family to be successful. Like myself, she too was scheduled to graduate December 2008. We had exchanged numbers that day (I never had her phone number). We said would would "talk" later--we never got to talk.
I remember that last semester like it was yesterday. I was working, volunteering, taking my last 3 classes and trying to cope with her death all in one breath. It was difficult. There were weeks where I didn't go to class or volunteering at all. I cried myself to sleep most nights. Not because I lost a friendship, but because I realized how fragile life was. I realized that nobody was exempt from that appointment with death. Death scared me. I never talked about it, I never dealt with it head on, I avoided it. It was a reality check.
Unfortunately, I didn't cope well. I screwed up my grades, which later cost me to not graduated with honors (by .01 pts) I began to get a bit boy crazy. I stopped going to church, all in the name of "work & $$"--which looking back was not worth it at all. As a result my faith in Jesus was low. I didn't pray, I didn't go to church. I had a bunch of jumbled and confused feelings inside me.--I should have prayed, I should have talked.
By Jan 09' the realities hit me. I had no real job, no $$, and no plans. Unfortunately, i forfeited graduate school. I was not only scared I wasn't going to get in, but I admit I was too lazy to do the work it entailed.--I should have worked. I should have not doubted God.
I was delusional. I claimed that I was "studying" for the GRE--Grad school version of the SAT. That same month, I met a guy named..well, let me not put him out there. We met at a social gathering that I should not have gone to in the first place.--I should have listened to God speaking. I should have acknowledged Him tugging on my heartstrings--i didn't.
At the time "HE" began to become my everything. Not because I loved him. Not because I wanted a boyfriend. It was because I was searching for a way to cope. It sounds silly, but it is not uncommon, unfortunately. If ONLY i had only clung to God. IF ONLY. "HE" and I ended up doing some things we should not have doing. It threw me into a whole other whirlwind of guilt and shame. Not only did I not have plans for my future, but I had sinned against my body, something I gave to God. I was redeemed. All redemption was lost within a few months.(in my eyes of course, but praise God for the redemptive blood of Jesus!)
I was living in "sin" for approximately 3 1/2 months. Each time I was done with the deed i cried my eyes and heart out. It didn't feel good. I wasn't happy. I soon was beginning to realize that I needed to start praying. I had gone so deep in my carnal pleasures that even when I would pray and repent, I STILL went back to my vomit, like a dog. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't.
To combat, I did the unthinkable: I told my mother. Immediately she snatched me away from Gainesville, FL. I told her that Thursday, I was home by that Saturday. I guess it was for the better. It definitely stopped me from sinning against my body and God.
I thought everything would be alright. I was home now. Safe. I was wrong. I was so hung on to this man, that he still had control over me even 6 hours away from me. To retaliate, I almost immediately got involved with another guy--dumb move. The guy was hardly worth my time.
Finally, I had enough. Enough of the guilt and shame. I dropped them all. I was on my way. I was praying, in spite of the fact I was home and miserable--forgot to add that part. I was reading my bible. I was getting involved with fellow Christians.
Since then, it has been a roller coaster. Now that my carnal pleasures no longer had control over me, the devil came with something else: Frustration. Frustration with not being able to find a job. Frustration with my parents who were pressuring me to find a job in this slumped economy. I eventually found a job--a Mickey mouse job, but a job nonetheless. It could hardly suffice, but God is good.
Today, I'm still struggling on this path. I have a plan now, but I still have no real money to carry it out, but I have given up. I have given God the car keys. When Jesus was on His 40 day fast, satan temped him saying "If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread". Jesus answered him saying "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". Today I have faith. I cling to the word of God because that is the only thing that will last forever. I faith, not that God will give me what I ask for, but that God will provide what I need. Anything that He has given me is enough. I can not question the Most High. He knows best. His word says "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character and character, hope. hope does not disappoint us...." So today I have a new hope.
What is the point of outpouring today: To inspire and to bless someone with my story. In life there will be growing pains. Just like gold, we must go through fire to become refined. The word of God says...."I forget the things of the pass and looked to the things which are before me..I press toward the mark of the high calling which is in Christ Jesus" Forget your past, and press for Jesus. In everything you do, work on, or go through, know that it is only to further advance the kingdom of God and to give the Most High GLORY. Don't yield to carnal thinking. Close your carnal eyes and open the eyes of your heart. Things will make much more sense. Believe it or not God has blessed you beyond measure! He has blessed you with His son (a second chance), His grace, mercy and love. To live this life, it will suffice. Spiritual triumphs and blessings are the best and the most important. Don't let the things of this world be a distraction. Press forth toward Jesus. Don't doubt Him.
Peace and Love
Jay
**Love God, Love People**
Monday, August 2, 2010
I got a Man yall!! --A Facebook Note by Jay :)
SIKE! Nosies! ;)
So the spirit of writing and transparency decided to take me tonight. Weird. Especially for Facebook. This will be quick! I promise!
So let's get to the point of this note. So lately, I have been talking to one of my friends quite often. Of course like every girl talk, it always relationships. Since, my interest has been "rekindled"--well, not really. I've just been thinking about marriage more because of the convos I’ve been having and all this cliché talk of relationships. Of course this would happen well after I’ve come to the point where the thought never crosses my mind--maybe it's because I'm being distracted by other things or maybe Jesus has really has changed my thinking. (Can I get a AMEN! FREEDOM!)
Truly, I don't want to concentrate too much on relationships, dating, and marriage; they're too much of a headache. I mean, it's just something I don't even want to deal with right now.
Ok, so apart from the fact that I vehemently disdain the thought of a relationship right now--yea, it’s that serious--there are other reasons why I'm just not interested.
#1 I'm not the best me I can be. I have YET to solidify the relationship I have with Christ. The simple answer: I'm not whole, I'm not completely ONE with Christ.
The best me is the “me” who’s married to Christ; who has a solid spiritual foundation. I’m workin’ to be the Proverbs 31, married or NOT!
#2 --> 1 Cor. 7:32-35 (Msg) excerpt "...When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention..."
Did you read that the FIRST time...ok just in case you didn't....go read it AGAIN.....
Ok, now that you have re-read it, there's my scriptural defense. lol.
The Word does not lie. It's true, when you're married your attention is divided. Furthermore, your kingdom business has extended (more work). More work? Yes, more work. You have to WORK to SERVE your husband or wife. It really isn’t all peaches n crème. I’m glad I recognize that fact. Oh and let me not forget about the beginning of the excerpt:
“When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master”
Man, pleasing Abba is my ultimate desire and if pleasing Him requires that I completely abandon my desire to be married with children, then so let it be!-- Freedom is A-MAZIN’!
Now, by no means am I saying that I am against marriage. God BLESS all of you who are happily married or about to be married. May you be that powerhouse couple that God has called you both to be! I'm just saying that kind of responsibility is not for me right now. I’m ‘bout dat otha kingdom business. :)
For the first time I can say that I am truly enjoying my singleness.
Selah!
**Let those with eyes see and with ears hear**
So the spirit of writing and transparency decided to take me tonight. Weird. Especially for Facebook. This will be quick! I promise!
So let's get to the point of this note. So lately, I have been talking to one of my friends quite often. Of course like every girl talk, it always relationships. Since, my interest has been "rekindled"--well, not really. I've just been thinking about marriage more because of the convos I’ve been having and all this cliché talk of relationships. Of course this would happen well after I’ve come to the point where the thought never crosses my mind--maybe it's because I'm being distracted by other things or maybe Jesus has really has changed my thinking. (Can I get a AMEN! FREEDOM!)
Truly, I don't want to concentrate too much on relationships, dating, and marriage; they're too much of a headache. I mean, it's just something I don't even want to deal with right now.
Ok, so apart from the fact that I vehemently disdain the thought of a relationship right now--yea, it’s that serious--there are other reasons why I'm just not interested.
#1 I'm not the best me I can be. I have YET to solidify the relationship I have with Christ. The simple answer: I'm not whole, I'm not completely ONE with Christ.
The best me is the “me” who’s married to Christ; who has a solid spiritual foundation. I’m workin’ to be the Proverbs 31, married or NOT!
#2 --> 1 Cor. 7:32-35 (Msg) excerpt "...When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention..."
Did you read that the FIRST time...ok just in case you didn't....go read it AGAIN.....
Ok, now that you have re-read it, there's my scriptural defense. lol.
The Word does not lie. It's true, when you're married your attention is divided. Furthermore, your kingdom business has extended (more work). More work? Yes, more work. You have to WORK to SERVE your husband or wife. It really isn’t all peaches n crème. I’m glad I recognize that fact. Oh and let me not forget about the beginning of the excerpt:
“When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master”
Man, pleasing Abba is my ultimate desire and if pleasing Him requires that I completely abandon my desire to be married with children, then so let it be!-- Freedom is A-MAZIN’!
Now, by no means am I saying that I am against marriage. God BLESS all of you who are happily married or about to be married. May you be that powerhouse couple that God has called you both to be! I'm just saying that kind of responsibility is not for me right now. I’m ‘bout dat otha kingdom business. :)
For the first time I can say that I am truly enjoying my singleness.
Selah!
**Let those with eyes see and with ears hear**
Is it just me....friends: what do you think?
Lately, I've been really thinking. Thinking about how much people really annoy me. Granted, I annoy people on a daily basis I'm sure, but you know how that goes; you really don't care about your actions, but rather others' actions. Hypocrisy at it's most overt and covert moment simultaneously existing.
Whatever, here's my vent/rant time!
I have lots of "friends", "associates", whatever: people I know and people who know me. To be quite frank, sometimes I can delete some of them out my life and start all over again. Why? Because they say some pretty questionable below-the-belt sort of things. For example, I was talking to one of my "friends" recently. We've been friends since our freshman year in college (2005)--we've known each other for a little while now. You know what this good-for-nothing guy said to me as I was talking about my life issues??--He had the NERVE to say, "Yea, yea Jay, like your problems are worse than everyone elses." When I heard that I was like, "I know this insensitive....I know this boy ain't just try me like that!!"
Later on this week I saw a facebook status from another friend. She said something along the lines of, "not everyone who is WITH you is FOR you" and it got me thinkin'....granted, this has always been my motto for friends and life but it still made me question some of my friendships and how ** I ** feel about them. Am I being real when something good happens to them? Am I bad mouthing them right after I talk to them? Do I really care about this person? Then I thought, what about others? Then I looked at it from another perspective: Are my friend really happy for me when something good happens to me? Are they bad mouthing me when we finish talking? Do they care about me?? Hmmm....
I have another friend she can be very...stuck up...wait a better colloquial term, "acting brand new", lol. In this "stuck upness", lol, she has a tendency to act like she has money, when she really doesn't. Truly if she did, she wouldn't have to take out student loans. If she did, she'd be driving a fully functional car (which she's not)...But I digress.. Back to the story: Before, I didn't notice it until she herself pointed it out, lol. Ironic, right? After a while it started to annoy me and me a my rude self never passes up an opportunity to pass a slick remark her way, lol. Anyway, I was talking to her today; she was talking about having a pricey dinner party, that in my opinion she can't afford, but who am I to metal in someones financial business?? lol. I'm Jay, and imma metal in it anyway :)So anyway I said something slick, something like, "I hope you big ballin'" (Translation: I hope you have the money) and she said something along the lines of "your just jealous because...." her tone was a bit facetious, but her message intended sure got across...surely ya' girl wasn't gonna let that pass and I responded "I'm sorry I don't spend money I don't have like you do ;)" Yes, not exactly the most Christ-like thing to say, but sometimes I just can't help it. The point: It's annoying, and I am I truly her friend? I mean, I'm not jealous--actually I'm nowhere near jealous, I'm more intelligent and more witty--money doesn't define my identity. period. I mean love her to death, if anything were to happen to her there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be balling my poor eyes out. But sometimes I just wonder.
Maybe it's just me. I guess I'm just thinking about all this stuff because I have waay too much time on my hands or not enough time on my hands to form new friendships to distract me from thinking about it.
Well, there's my rant. Uncensored.
~Jay
Whatever, here's my vent/rant time!
I have lots of "friends", "associates", whatever: people I know and people who know me. To be quite frank, sometimes I can delete some of them out my life and start all over again. Why? Because they say some pretty questionable below-the-belt sort of things. For example, I was talking to one of my "friends" recently. We've been friends since our freshman year in college (2005)--we've known each other for a little while now. You know what this good-for-nothing guy said to me as I was talking about my life issues??--He had the NERVE to say, "Yea, yea Jay, like your problems are worse than everyone elses." When I heard that I was like, "I know this insensitive....I know this boy ain't just try me like that!!"
Later on this week I saw a facebook status from another friend. She said something along the lines of, "not everyone who is WITH you is FOR you" and it got me thinkin'....granted, this has always been my motto for friends and life but it still made me question some of my friendships and how ** I ** feel about them. Am I being real when something good happens to them? Am I bad mouthing them right after I talk to them? Do I really care about this person? Then I thought, what about others? Then I looked at it from another perspective: Are my friend really happy for me when something good happens to me? Are they bad mouthing me when we finish talking? Do they care about me?? Hmmm....
I have another friend she can be very...stuck up...wait a better colloquial term, "acting brand new", lol. In this "stuck upness", lol, she has a tendency to act like she has money, when she really doesn't. Truly if she did, she wouldn't have to take out student loans. If she did, she'd be driving a fully functional car (which she's not)...But I digress.. Back to the story: Before, I didn't notice it until she herself pointed it out, lol. Ironic, right? After a while it started to annoy me and me a my rude self never passes up an opportunity to pass a slick remark her way, lol. Anyway, I was talking to her today; she was talking about having a pricey dinner party, that in my opinion she can't afford, but who am I to metal in someones financial business?? lol. I'm Jay, and imma metal in it anyway :)So anyway I said something slick, something like, "I hope you big ballin'" (Translation: I hope you have the money) and she said something along the lines of "your just jealous because...." her tone was a bit facetious, but her message intended sure got across...surely ya' girl wasn't gonna let that pass and I responded "I'm sorry I don't spend money I don't have like you do ;)" Yes, not exactly the most Christ-like thing to say, but sometimes I just can't help it. The point: It's annoying, and I am I truly her friend? I mean, I'm not jealous--actually I'm nowhere near jealous, I'm more intelligent and more witty--money doesn't define my identity. period. I mean love her to death, if anything were to happen to her there is no doubt in my mind that I'd be balling my poor eyes out. But sometimes I just wonder.
Maybe it's just me. I guess I'm just thinking about all this stuff because I have waay too much time on my hands or not enough time on my hands to form new friendships to distract me from thinking about it.
Well, there's my rant. Uncensored.
~Jay
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The God-Sent Brush!
Wow! This brush is A-mazing! I detangled my full head of hair in 15 mins!I got it at my local Sally's Beauty Supply for around $10. At first I was like, I can't pay this much for a BRUSH! But let me tell you, it is one the best investments of my natural hair journey! <3 check it out! you can get it on Amazon.com for between $8-$20.
Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00197623M/ref=dp_olp_new?ie=UTF8&condition=new
Chao!
~Jay
A blog about my hair and other randoms... :)
Ok, so I haven't blogged in a while. Been on my YT-tip (watching youtube). So I was going through one of my bloggers vids on youtube and she kind of inspired me to blog, well, blog more often than I do.
Anyway, let's talk about hair. So, as many of you may know I am an African American with Afro-textered hair--no chemical relaxing. :) I love my hair, BUT I don't know how to manage it, AT ALL. :( I'm thinking of weaving it out for the next few months. The problem is, I'm too lazy to do it and I can't afford to pay anyone else to do it. :( But you know what, it's all good. I've been learning some quick-weaves from the YT. Im just about ready to jump on the bandwagon, lol! Of course using my younger is as the guinea pig :) Yay for little sisters! :) So yea, I think I really like blogging. I really do. I don't know how I feel about people "following" me. Lol, but whatever. Right now this blog is for my enjoyment. :)
Random!
So, here's the deal, I would LOVE to do video blogs; however, I have no camera. Yea, sry. I'm still in the "chee-chee, click, click era" aka disposable cameras. lol. But no worries, I will invest in one as soon as I get this promotion at work OR start working as a Sub-Teacher. :) Yay! Praise Jesus!
haha, my kitten is sitting in my lap right now and she's is totally intrigued by my typing motions lol! She's even trying to type! lololol! Gotta love my kitty. Pix to come! :)
Random 2!
Currently I'm reading a book called "The New World Order" By Pat Robertson. As the title implies it is no surprise that it's about the conspiracy theory. What I like about the book so far is that it looks at the conspiracy theory from a biblical perspective. I'm about 1/3 into in the book, but here's the problem: I can't find the darn book! ugh! I lost it :( Somewhere between work and home. No worries. Today is my clean up day and hopefully, I'll find it! :O).
Well, it's almost 2:30 am. I should have been asleep since 12 am. It's ok though, I blogged therefore I'm happy! :) So yea, I'll try to blog about more things going on in my life; although, my life isn't all that interesting, but whatever. This thing is for me, right? Yea. Awesomeness!
O.K., I'm DONE! :)
Be blessed! :)
P.S. Jesus is awesome!
Anyway, let's talk about hair. So, as many of you may know I am an African American with Afro-textered hair--no chemical relaxing. :) I love my hair, BUT I don't know how to manage it, AT ALL. :( I'm thinking of weaving it out for the next few months. The problem is, I'm too lazy to do it and I can't afford to pay anyone else to do it. :( But you know what, it's all good. I've been learning some quick-weaves from the YT. Im just about ready to jump on the bandwagon, lol! Of course using my younger is as the guinea pig :) Yay for little sisters! :) So yea, I think I really like blogging. I really do. I don't know how I feel about people "following" me. Lol, but whatever. Right now this blog is for my enjoyment. :)
Random!
So, here's the deal, I would LOVE to do video blogs; however, I have no camera. Yea, sry. I'm still in the "chee-chee, click, click era" aka disposable cameras. lol. But no worries, I will invest in one as soon as I get this promotion at work OR start working as a Sub-Teacher. :) Yay! Praise Jesus!
haha, my kitten is sitting in my lap right now and she's is totally intrigued by my typing motions lol! She's even trying to type! lololol! Gotta love my kitty. Pix to come! :)
Random 2!
Currently I'm reading a book called "The New World Order" By Pat Robertson. As the title implies it is no surprise that it's about the conspiracy theory. What I like about the book so far is that it looks at the conspiracy theory from a biblical perspective. I'm about 1/3 into in the book, but here's the problem: I can't find the darn book! ugh! I lost it :( Somewhere between work and home. No worries. Today is my clean up day and hopefully, I'll find it! :O).
Well, it's almost 2:30 am. I should have been asleep since 12 am. It's ok though, I blogged therefore I'm happy! :) So yea, I'll try to blog about more things going on in my life; although, my life isn't all that interesting, but whatever. This thing is for me, right? Yea. Awesomeness!
O.K., I'm DONE! :)
Be blessed! :)
P.S. Jesus is awesome!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Gimme Dat
I like this song. It's so hype! Lyrics below! ;)
(AMBA!)
Gimme dat bible
Gimme dat mic
I'll drop Jesus any way so he can make a disciple
Can't surpass Christ there's no takin' his title
A passion for Christ I'll have you prayin' for revival
Gimma my city, yeah
Gimme dat, let's fish
Gospel of peace, yeah
You can give me dat fresh kicks
Gimme dat
Vest with your blessin' Lord I'm desperate
You gave me your life
So I look forward to my exit
I used to be a punk-kid
Use to wanna run with
Dudes dat wanna hunt that
Turned our ones into hundreds
Used to run the blunt to be blunt
I wanted trees just to alter my mind
Now I find out more in Jesus
Used to run and roll mad deep with a street clique
Corner holdin' heat on the low like a secret
God's spirit penetrated my soul on a sneak tip
Took control now I'm in his floor like a leaflet
I know you got riches
I know you got ice
Your life is a big party
You're partyin' all night
You don't mind not knowin' Christ
In your mind dat's alright
You might not get this now
But you're kind of a Saul type
You keep with the trends
Cool's your middle name
On your pants you got a chain
That droops like Lil' Wayne
You're tattooed in a Benz
Maybe you're in a Range
Ladies, you drivin' crazy
Nothin crazier than your frame
(This is a shame)
It's the age and I'm game
To be an agent of change
In an age that's like a page in a flame
Just smoke, just mirrors, just vapor is plain
You see, a Holy God is not one of you favorite things
I was just like you,
But God moved on a fellow
Gave me good news
Dat I could use on the ghetto
Maybe it's you who wants to
U turn to settle
You're dead if you do
I'll tell you it's been settled
So you got platinum?
We got our Lord
If we want, we could ask him
But he's our reward
Gotta be perfect
It can't be three out of four
If you're sick of fallin' short
Then he's got a cure
Gimme dat cure, dat door, dat hero
Gimme dat grace dat never chased the dinero
How much glory should you give your boy? Zero
That would cause beef with the Lamb like a Gyro
Gimme dat day reaches you over shinin'
Truth over rhymin'
Virtue over diamonds
Gimme some change
Sometimes I do need the dough
Gimme some pain
Somethin' -- I do need to grow
Gimme what I won't ask for
Don't gimme what I seek
When i creep, I'm a sheep
Gimme your pasture
Gimme life
Just like you intended
It's like to see you raise the day you ascended
Yeah, this is just to let cats know
Don't focus on what you can't have
Get all you can have
We call dat freedom
Dat's the joy of God
And his poeple
In his world
On his terms
SHOUTOUT TO PASTOR E!
Yeah
Gimme dat, gimme dat, gimme dat
I want it all, I want it all
Gimme dat
It's your boy Ambassador
(AMBA!)
Gimme dat fire (fire)
Gimme dat flame (flame, flame)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Gimme dat (gimme dat)
Absolutely you can gimme dat
If it's mine (gimme dat)
It's good for me (gimme dat)
I want it all
Gimme dat bible
Gimme dat mic
I'll drop Jesus any way so he can make a disciple
Can't surpass Christ there's no takin' his title
A passion for Christ I'll have you prayin' for revival
Gimma my city, yeah
Gimme dat, let's fish
Gospel of peace, yeah
You can give me dat fresh kicks
Gimme dat
Vest with your blessin' Lord I'm desperate
You gave me your life
So I look forward to my exit
I used to be a punk-kid
Use to wanna run with
Dudes dat wanna hunt that
Turned our ones into hundreds
Used to run the blunt to be blunt
I wanted trees just to alter my mind
Now I find out more in Jesus
Used to run and roll mad deep with a street clique
Corner holdin' heat on the low like a secret
God's spirit penetrated my soul on a sneak tip
Took control now I'm in his floor like a leaflet
Gimme dat fire
Gimme dat flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
Gimme dat fire, flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
I know you got riches
I know you got ice
Your life is a big party
You're partyin' all night
You don't mind not knowin' Christ
In your mind dat's alright
You might not get this now
But you're kind of a Saul type
You keep with the trends
Cool's your middle name
On your pants you got a chain
That droops like Lil' Wayne
You're tattooed in a Benz
Maybe you're in a Range
Ladies, you drivin' crazy
Nothin crazier than your frame
(This is a shame)
It's the age and I'm game
To be an agent of change
In an age that's like a page in a flame
Just smoke, just mirrors, just vapor is plain
You see, a Holy God is not one of you favorite things
I was just like you,
But God moved on a fellow
Gave me good news
Dat I could use on the ghetto
Maybe it's you who wants to
U turn to settle
You're dead if you do
I'll tell you it's been settled
Gimme dat fire
Gimme dat flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
Gimme dat fire, flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
So you got platinum?
We got our Lord
If we want, we could ask him
But he's our reward
Gotta be perfect
It can't be three out of four
If you're sick of fallin' short
Then he's got a cure
Gimme dat cure, dat door, dat hero
Gimme dat grace dat never chased the dinero
How much glory should you give your boy? Zero
That would cause beef with the Lamb like a Gyro
Gimme dat day reaches you over shinin'
Truth over rhymin'
Virtue over diamonds
Gimme some change
Sometimes I do need the dough
Gimme some pain
Somethin' -- I do need to grow
Gimme what I won't ask for
Don't gimme what I seek
When i creep, I'm a sheep
Gimme your pasture
Gimme life
Just like you intended
It's like to see you raise the day you ascended
Gimme dat fire
Gimme dat flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
Gimme dat fire, flame
Gimme dat fresh wind
Gimme dat rain
Gimme dat freedom
You can have the chains
Gimme dat God who can gimme all things
Yeah, this is just to let cats know
Don't focus on what you can't have
Get all you can have
We call dat freedom
Dat's the joy of God
And his poeple
In his world
On his terms
SHOUTOUT TO PASTOR E!
Yeah
Gimme dat, gimme dat, gimme dat
I want it all, I want it all
Gimme dat
It's your boy Ambassador
This bible verse means to me that....
This bible means to me that...????? [Crickets..] That what? Really? I'm not trying to be facetious or mean or anything, but I always thought that the books of the bible had one meaning and one meaning only. I'm pretty sure there was a who, what when, where, and why. The author wrote with some intention, to some audience.
This brings me to the topic of this entry. BIBLE STUDY. So, yesterday I was reading one of the blogs I follow by Be like the Bereans (I think that's the name). It was about how we should study the bible. And when we do, we need to understand the Who, What, When, Where and Why of the particular book. Furthermore we should read 20 verses before and after a particular verse to get some sort of context to get the true and original meaning. So basically this is the point: we we can't take some random scripture, isolate it and superimpose our opinions on it. All jokes aside, it's heresy. Like, period. If you take a scripture and u strip it of it original meaning and then share your opinion of it with someone, you've almost given someone a gospel with holes in it. It's dangerous.
Can you imagine if someone came to you and told you that scriptures about Jesus's life meant to them that Jesus was just a good person, and not God in full? And they thought that good works would get you into heaven??? The scripture is clear; moralism doesn't get you to heaven. (Titus 3:5) Jesus is God in full (Collossians 1:15-18) This "Doctrine of Opinion"--haha-- would send you straight to hell. Do you see where superimposing your opinions and detaching the original meaning becomes dangerous?
And let's not forget how us Christians like to get all mystical and googoo gahgah when it comes to the Word. You know how it go, like when you wanna hear a "word" from God you just open the bible to a RANDOM part of the bible and read ONE scripture and call it your "word" from God. LOL. Don't feel bad, I'm guilty of it too. And I'm also guilty of that "what this scripture means to me is..." too. We can't do that. We've got to look at the verses before and after. This is an important principle that seems so elementary, but yet, is always missed for some reason.
Solution? When you read the bible be sure that u understand the who, what, when, where and why. At the very least, read the 20 preceding and post verses to get some context. A meaning does exist. And it is very much so RELEVENT to today. Culture and traditions may change, but the human heart and condition doesn't. The bible was put together with a purpose. Each book, each author, each verse had an intent, a purpose. It's the original meaning. Now this doesn't mean we can't make it applicable to our specific circumstances, neither does it mean that God's Word speaks to all of in the same way. Of course God's Word has some meaning within our life context, but again the original message is still present. King Solomon says there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9) That's pretty straight forward. Whatever you have gone through, seen or are going though has been done or seen already. I think the bible does a pretty good job of covering these general areas. It covers romance, marriage, relationships, money, faith, persecution, Christian Doctrine, end times ummm...anything that is related to the human experience believe me, it's there. Check out The book of Psalsms, The book of Proverbs, Romans, Collossians, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, ummm...Job, Daniel. They were all written with purpose and inspired by God. (1 Corinthians 2:12-13; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
So I hope this didn't come out as some random rant with no purpose. I pray that you'll take this info and make some changes if you need to. Below I posted a video that probably explains this topic a lot better than I can. Enjoy!
This brings me to the topic of this entry. BIBLE STUDY. So, yesterday I was reading one of the blogs I follow by Be like the Bereans (I think that's the name). It was about how we should study the bible. And when we do, we need to understand the Who, What, When, Where and Why of the particular book. Furthermore we should read 20 verses before and after a particular verse to get some sort of context to get the true and original meaning. So basically this is the point: we we can't take some random scripture, isolate it and superimpose our opinions on it. All jokes aside, it's heresy. Like, period. If you take a scripture and u strip it of it original meaning and then share your opinion of it with someone, you've almost given someone a gospel with holes in it. It's dangerous.
Can you imagine if someone came to you and told you that scriptures about Jesus's life meant to them that Jesus was just a good person, and not God in full? And they thought that good works would get you into heaven??? The scripture is clear; moralism doesn't get you to heaven. (Titus 3:5) Jesus is God in full (Collossians 1:15-18) This "Doctrine of Opinion"--haha-- would send you straight to hell. Do you see where superimposing your opinions and detaching the original meaning becomes dangerous?
And let's not forget how us Christians like to get all mystical and googoo gahgah when it comes to the Word. You know how it go, like when you wanna hear a "word" from God you just open the bible to a RANDOM part of the bible and read ONE scripture and call it your "word" from God. LOL. Don't feel bad, I'm guilty of it too. And I'm also guilty of that "what this scripture means to me is..." too. We can't do that. We've got to look at the verses before and after. This is an important principle that seems so elementary, but yet, is always missed for some reason.
Solution? When you read the bible be sure that u understand the who, what, when, where and why. At the very least, read the 20 preceding and post verses to get some context. A meaning does exist. And it is very much so RELEVENT to today. Culture and traditions may change, but the human heart and condition doesn't. The bible was put together with a purpose. Each book, each author, each verse had an intent, a purpose. It's the original meaning. Now this doesn't mean we can't make it applicable to our specific circumstances, neither does it mean that God's Word speaks to all of in the same way. Of course God's Word has some meaning within our life context, but again the original message is still present. King Solomon says there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9) That's pretty straight forward. Whatever you have gone through, seen or are going though has been done or seen already. I think the bible does a pretty good job of covering these general areas. It covers romance, marriage, relationships, money, faith, persecution, Christian Doctrine, end times ummm...anything that is related to the human experience believe me, it's there. Check out The book of Psalsms, The book of Proverbs, Romans, Collossians, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, ummm...Job, Daniel. They were all written with purpose and inspired by God. (1 Corinthians 2:12-13; 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
So I hope this didn't come out as some random rant with no purpose. I pray that you'll take this info and make some changes if you need to. Below I posted a video that probably explains this topic a lot better than I can. Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I want to change my story
Hello all! :o)
I just had the urge to blog about my life. So, so the last time I spoke (before my devotional about the devil and his worksmen) I talked about how I was doing my own thing, got checked by my mother, confirmed it with a friend (unbeknownst to him of course! All God's handy work!), and started to fast about it. The fasting and praying went well in my opinion, I don't know about the other party; I haven't spoken to him.
This leads me to today's update. I was talking to one of my friends earlier today and I was basically complaining about my life, as usual. Then I said something along the lines of, "Blah, blah, same ol' story. I wish I could change my story". It was simple, yet profound, "I want to change my story". It really got me thinking, "Well, how exactly do I change my story?". I know that I don't have control over what happens in my life, but I do have control over how I view my story. Today? Yes, I complained, but I woke up and I did something. Now, normally, I would wake up and sit on the computer all day without doing anything constructive. No reading, nothing edifying that is, no exersising, no nothing. Today I cleaned. Now, that may not sound significant, but it was for me. It was almost like I was symbolically cleaning and organizing my life. My mind felt so much more free. I'm just praying that it last a while.
I just had the urge to blog about my life. So, so the last time I spoke (before my devotional about the devil and his worksmen) I talked about how I was doing my own thing, got checked by my mother, confirmed it with a friend (unbeknownst to him of course! All God's handy work!), and started to fast about it. The fasting and praying went well in my opinion, I don't know about the other party; I haven't spoken to him.
This leads me to today's update. I was talking to one of my friends earlier today and I was basically complaining about my life, as usual. Then I said something along the lines of, "Blah, blah, same ol' story. I wish I could change my story". It was simple, yet profound, "I want to change my story". It really got me thinking, "Well, how exactly do I change my story?". I know that I don't have control over what happens in my life, but I do have control over how I view my story. Today? Yes, I complained, but I woke up and I did something. Now, normally, I would wake up and sit on the computer all day without doing anything constructive. No reading, nothing edifying that is, no exersising, no nothing. Today I cleaned. Now, that may not sound significant, but it was for me. It was almost like I was symbolically cleaning and organizing my life. My mind felt so much more free. I'm just praying that it last a while.
Today, I choose to change my story by first directing my focus on my Creator; that is to continue to fast and pray because the battle is not over, I know it! Like I said in my last post, the devil and his workman are not sleeping and are seeking to serperate us from God by any means possible.
Next, meditate on the love letters. God's word constantly reminds us to meditate on His word and write it on the tablets of our hearts so that our way is porperous (Proverbs 3:1-4) . And that, I will do.
Next, meditate on the love letters. God's word constantly reminds us to meditate on His word and write it on the tablets of our hearts so that our way is porperous (Proverbs 3:1-4) . And that, I will do.
The Word also instructs (or examples rather) to be clean before coming to the Lord; we must repent before He answers prayers. It says in Isaiah 59:1-2 Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separted your from your God; your sins have hidden his face form you, so that he will not hear. In context, the people Israel (Judah) were rebillious and were going through "troubled times". The profit Isaiah urged them to repent and to keep the Law. From this example, we see that it is our sin and disobidence that keep God from answering our prayers. Think about it, it's sin that kept the people of Israel from finding the promise land; they turned a year long trip into a 40 your expedition! REPENT. Finally, persitant prayer in accordance to His will. 1 John 5:14-15 says "
14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." If i pray, I want to make sure it is aligned with His will.
14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." If i pray, I want to make sure it is aligned with His will.
So I will continue to repent, fast, pray, and meditate.
What's the point of this entry? Well, many times we complain about our situation, yet, we never make any attempts to change it. It's not all the time that we have control over or circumstance, but we do have control over how we tackle it. If we have a more positive attitude today, we might just have a better tommorrow. Now in order to maintain this positive attitude is a different story. As Christians, Christ is our Rock and our Foundation, He is the froce that gives us peace of mind (in this case positive attitude). Fasting and praying is the quickest way to get in touch with God, but like I said we must have a clean heart before He hears us; we must repent. We also must be persistant. And fianlly we must meditate on His word. Afterall, we need SOMETHING to fight the enemy. :o)
Peace and Love
~Jay
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Let's get it! Commune with Christ; it's easy to fall off.
"Communing with Christ is going to take some W.O.R.K. Satan and his workmen are on their P's and Q's!"
Recently it occurred to me that Satan and his workman are NOT sleeping. It is so easy to fall into his trap and simply FORGET ABOUT GOD! It’s important that we are constantly and steadfastly praying, reading our bibles and allowing the Word to make imprints on our hearts. If not, we are no longer under God’s protection.
Today, take some time out to commune with your Creator. Jesus said in John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV) . Don’t allow Satan and his workman to blind you from constantly seeking fullness in Christ. It’s one of Satan’s tricks. All he wants to do is blind you from the truth and distract you with foolishness (i.e. pressures of life), but Christ wants to give LIFE.
Saints, do not be fooled! Galatians 6:7-10 says: 7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
Remember that separation from God starts with the small stuff. First you miss one Sunday at church, then you stop reading your bible consistently, then you stop fellowshipping with the saints. By the time you know it you are in full communion with Beelzebub (Satan). So today, not only understand that Satan is out to separate you from God, but also understand that this Christian walk is a DAILY struggle and we MUST live with a “Battlefield” mindset. It says in Ephesians 6:11-13 “11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (read 14-18 for the full illustration)
Finally, forget your past transgressions (wrongdoings), you have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb (JESUS), so long as you have accepted that He is the son of God and died for your sins and press toward the goal of fulfillment in Christ.
The Apostle Paul says to the people of Philippi, in Philippians 3:13-14 “13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Be encouraged brothers and sisters in the faith!
Recently it occurred to me that Satan and his workman are NOT sleeping. It is so easy to fall into his trap and simply FORGET ABOUT GOD! It’s important that we are constantly and steadfastly praying, reading our bibles and allowing the Word to make imprints on our hearts. If not, we are no longer under God’s protection.
Today, take some time out to commune with your Creator. Jesus said in John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal, and destroy I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV) . Don’t allow Satan and his workman to blind you from constantly seeking fullness in Christ. It’s one of Satan’s tricks. All he wants to do is blind you from the truth and distract you with foolishness (i.e. pressures of life), but Christ wants to give LIFE.
Saints, do not be fooled! Galatians 6:7-10 says: 7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
Remember that separation from God starts with the small stuff. First you miss one Sunday at church, then you stop reading your bible consistently, then you stop fellowshipping with the saints. By the time you know it you are in full communion with Beelzebub (Satan). So today, not only understand that Satan is out to separate you from God, but also understand that this Christian walk is a DAILY struggle and we MUST live with a “Battlefield” mindset. It says in Ephesians 6:11-13 “11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (read 14-18 for the full illustration)
Finally, forget your past transgressions (wrongdoings), you have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb (JESUS), so long as you have accepted that He is the son of God and died for your sins and press toward the goal of fulfillment in Christ.
The Apostle Paul says to the people of Philippi, in Philippians 3:13-14 “13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
Be encouraged brothers and sisters in the faith!
Lord help me to be "Avaylable"
Currently Listening to "Avaylable" by MaliMusic
So here's a little update. As usual I've been doing my own thing in life. I'm so stubborn. Thank God for His Will and outstretched hand on my life. To sum it all up, I haven't been humble. I've been rude to my parents, shutting out the rest of the world immersing myself into social networks (haha, counter intuitive, huh?,) tv-youtube, physical appearance--make up, and a myriad of other life follies that the devil distracts us with.
Interestingly, someone unlikely person called me out: my mother. Wow. What a shocker. She came to me in a calm fashion definitely not likened unto her normal approach. She told me that I needed to get humble and reconnect with God. Of course I didn't agree with everything she talked about, but she was definitely right about that.
Within the days to come, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking through IM (instant messaging) as usual. And he asked me how I was doing. Of course i automatically said. "I'm ok". But then, I started to rethink. In actuality, I wasn't ok. Sadly at the time, I was too numb to even notice that there was something wrong with me.
As we continued to talk, he took the time out to do what a Christian is supposed to do: To love and encourage. He suggested that we fast and pray together.
So, here I am fasting, praying, and allowing God to reveal Himself in His mighty power.
It's interesting how things are unfolding:
1. mother calls me out on my faults
2. friend encourages me to fast and pray about it
3. fasting and praying with my friend, aka reconnecting with God.
After the conversation with my mom I had no intentions of taking immediate actions, but clearly God had another plan and placed someone in my life at the right time to convince me otherwise. It feels good to reconnect with Abba.
I would end off in a scripture, but right now I can't. So here's a song that basically encompasses the way I feel and what my heart is singing.
Lyrics
So May time in my life
Have I tried to do it all by myself
but after numerous failures I realized
That the glory is due to God and no one else
I was runnin to and fro tryna make things happen (Slow down)
That's what I'd hear Him say until something bad happens (that turned my life upside down)
Or will I give up Jesus
It's all in your hands now Father
Do what you will with me, have your way
Chorus
Not once, not twice, not three times
Have i dropped the ball when i was on the line
But please believe the last time was the last time
Cuz I'm gonna let your will be done and not mine
Things have gotten better, the sun's a little brighter
Adn since I cast my cares on you I'll feel a little lighter
Now i can hold my head up high, stick my chest out
Because your will will surely be carried out (no doubt about it)
Chorus
I won't move, I'll wait (I'll still sit here and wait)
Until you show me the way (Lead me in the right direction)
The safest place (it's in the will of God)
Patiently I'll wait (Jesus)
Chorus
So here's a little update. As usual I've been doing my own thing in life. I'm so stubborn. Thank God for His Will and outstretched hand on my life. To sum it all up, I haven't been humble. I've been rude to my parents, shutting out the rest of the world immersing myself into social networks (haha, counter intuitive, huh?,) tv-youtube, physical appearance--make up, and a myriad of other life follies that the devil distracts us with.
Interestingly, someone unlikely person called me out: my mother. Wow. What a shocker. She came to me in a calm fashion definitely not likened unto her normal approach. She told me that I needed to get humble and reconnect with God. Of course I didn't agree with everything she talked about, but she was definitely right about that.
Within the days to come, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking through IM (instant messaging) as usual. And he asked me how I was doing. Of course i automatically said. "I'm ok". But then, I started to rethink. In actuality, I wasn't ok. Sadly at the time, I was too numb to even notice that there was something wrong with me.
As we continued to talk, he took the time out to do what a Christian is supposed to do: To love and encourage. He suggested that we fast and pray together.
So, here I am fasting, praying, and allowing God to reveal Himself in His mighty power.
It's interesting how things are unfolding:
1. mother calls me out on my faults
2. friend encourages me to fast and pray about it
3. fasting and praying with my friend, aka reconnecting with God.
After the conversation with my mom I had no intentions of taking immediate actions, but clearly God had another plan and placed someone in my life at the right time to convince me otherwise. It feels good to reconnect with Abba.
I would end off in a scripture, but right now I can't. So here's a song that basically encompasses the way I feel and what my heart is singing.
Lyrics
So May time in my life
Have I tried to do it all by myself
but after numerous failures I realized
That the glory is due to God and no one else
I was runnin to and fro tryna make things happen (Slow down)
That's what I'd hear Him say until something bad happens (that turned my life upside down)
Or will I give up Jesus
It's all in your hands now Father
Do what you will with me, have your way
Chorus
Lord please keep me in your will
Lord help me to be still
I just wanna be available to you
I will do whatever you
You instruct me to do
I just wanna be available to you
Not once, not twice, not three times
Have i dropped the ball when i was on the line
But please believe the last time was the last time
Cuz I'm gonna let your will be done and not mine
Things have gotten better, the sun's a little brighter
Adn since I cast my cares on you I'll feel a little lighter
Now i can hold my head up high, stick my chest out
Because your will will surely be carried out (no doubt about it)
Chorus
Lord please keep me in your will
Lord help me to be still
I just wanna be available to you
I will do whatever you
You instruct me to do
I just wanna be available to you
I won't move, I'll wait (I'll still sit here and wait)
Until you show me the way (Lead me in the right direction)
The safest place (it's in the will of God)
Patiently I'll wait (Jesus)
Chorus
Lord please keep me in your will
Lord help me to be still
I just wanna be available to you
I will do whatever you
You instruct me to do
I just wanna be available to you
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)